Shatter Me
by xAlishaMichellex
Summary: It was never supposed to turn out this way. No one was ever supposed to fall in love. No one was supposed to get hurt like that. Her only intention was to help a friend in need, not cause everything to fall apart. Kaitlyn is about to get the wake up call of a lifetime when the one thing she's been trying to avoid comes into play to haunt her and she loses control of everything.
1. Chapter 1

**Shatter Me**

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><p>They say that everything happens for a reason, and while unbeknownst to me at the time, I had no idea that my world was going to be rocked to the core. We never expected things to get so out of hand, well at least I never planned on it. I can't say the same for him. Had I known what exactly would have transpired, I would have never gone along with this stupid idea in the first place. Let me take you back to two months ago. When things officially started to change – I still haven't decided if it's for the best or the worst. I'll let you guys figure that one out for yourselves.<p>

So there I was, sitting in my office, going over this book before I sent it up to be published when there's this somber knock on my door. True to my curious nature, I set down this fabulous manuscript that has me so involved and get up to answer it when my good friend Phil comes barging in, upset. Telling him to sit because I can see all the anguish in his eyes. I was completely thrown off by the visit, because let's be honest, he has a million other friends he could go to with his problems.

Maybe it's because I'm the only one who will actually listen and sympathize with him. I still haven't quite figured out why he chose me.

"What's wrong?" I asked because what else was there to say? I couldn't necessarily ask him about the weather. Besides, it would have been super inconsiderate to not query. His eyes said everything. He was hurting and in pain. The last thing I wanted to see was that.

"AJ dumped me. After three years, she just breaks up with me – so out of the blue. I don't understand." Phil presses the palm of his hand to his forehead as if trying to conjure up a logical explanation for AJ's erratic behavior. She's an idiot, but I didn't want to add fuel to the fire.

"She didn't give you an explanation? That's pretty tactless. Obviously you're not okay so I won't even ask. All I can say is that I'm sorry. But maybe this is a good thing." That was the only ray of hope I could shed on the situation.

"How can it be a good thing that the love of my life just abandoned me? What did I do?" He's slumped over like a big puppy dog. All I could do at that point was feel sorry for him. Being dumped is one thing; not being told why you're being dumped is a completely new low. I had never liked AJ to begin with when I first met her – she always gave me an off-putting vibe – but this just gave me even a bigger reason to carry on my malice towards her.

I had to figure out a way to put it delicately without hurting his feelings or further pissing him off. "She doesn't deserve you if she dumps you the way she did. It just shows how much you care about her but she doesn't. Do you really want to be involved with someone like that? Phil, I love you, but you have got to get off the AJ train. That girl was bad news from the start."

The look on his face after my last sentence worried me. I've never been one to sugar coat anything, even with my good friends, but this was the only moment in my life when I wish I would have. Everything changed after those words; the plan was never meant to go this far.

I knew I had overstepped my boundaries with my remark, but I couldn't help it. Phil was one of my best friends – the last thing I wanted was for him to get hurt. I had always been that type of friend. Once someone hurt one of my friends, they were forever on my shit list. AJ was now number one.

"Okay, I'm sorry. I just don't like seeing you hurt. I know how much you love her." That's all I could say at the point without incriminating myself any more than I had already done. The only thing I could do to get him to feel better was offer him a solution. Now I wish I had never done that. "You know what? It's not okay for her to do this you. Let her know what she's letting go of. Make her regret dumping you."

"How?"

"Make her jealous or something. A girl hates when she's been replaced. Get one of your many girl friends to pose as your new flavor of the week. That will drive her up the wall. She'll hate herself for letting you go and you officially win – it's up to you if you want her back afterwards."

It didn't even take him a second to contemplate the severity of my suggestion. He was in the minute I mentioned making her regret her choice to dump him; this whole thing was meant to just be harmless. Never once did I think the outcome would be one I regret now. This was not how I wanted it to turn out.

The thing is this whole thing was a hundred percent my fault – Phil, he was just a casualty in all this. He just wanted to win the love of his life back. I wanted to help him, as much as I didn't like AJ. I just wanted him happy. Even if that meant not being with someone who would appreciate him for everything he was.

"Okay, but all of my girl friends want to bang the crap out of me. I don't need any hassles. There's only one girl for the job because she keeps it real with me and I know that she won't expect anything out of it." He gave me those eyes of his and I was reeled in. There was no way I could have fought him on this because he was right. Or at least I thought he was.

Out of all the friends he had that were females, I was the only one who wasn't romantically attracted to him – that was why he thought I'd be the perfect fit. On paper it was a really good idea. But once it played out… it turned out to be the biggest mistake of my life.

"You're referring to me, right?" I teased him. I knew he was. I just wanted him to beg. When he nodded his head, I continued on. "What's in it for me? I think I should be rewarded for helping you with this idiotic idea—yes, I know, it was my idea. I didn't think you would be stupid enough to go along with it."

"Come on, you get to make out with _me_. There's your reward." He winked at me and that's all it took. The minute he made that gesture, I had the gut feeling that this would become my undoing. I just shook the notion off because it was absolutely crazy to think like that. I mean he was Phil Brooks for crying out loud. While most girls swooned over how beautiful he was, I hadn't fantasized like that towards him.

He was just good ole Phil – the guy who liked poetry and wanted to open his own art gallery. And while that should've made me completely head over heels for him, I still saw my best guy friend – a brother, you could say. We played video games together when we had nothing else better to do. He would come over and watch chick flicks with me when I was in a crummy mood or when I went through a bad breakup.

"Oh yes, because I so desperately want to suck your face off – shoot, that's exactly why I concocted this stupid plan just so I could kiss you. Please! I need a better incentive than making out with you for me to actually go along with this, Phil."

"Do this for me and I'll rope Cody – you know, the friend of mine that you have forever had a crush on – into a date for you."

It had been a very convincing reason for me to go along with it – I did like Cody. God knows I hadn't been on a date in forever. It was a win-win situation for everyone involved. Or so I thought. My stomach suddenly turned to knots when I extended my hand to shake his, letting him know that we had a deal. I should've gone with my instinct, but I just wrote it off.

I wish I hadn't.

_**-x-**_

Sometimes being in a band was a massive pain – everything had to be perfect, especially when gearing up for a big gig. Lost Caution, the name of our band, had a wedding to play in a couple of weeks and we couldn't afford to screw up. This had been the thing we had been waiting for – to get noticed. Granted, it was only a wedding, but we were getting paid and it would hopefully lead to bigger things.

How did I have all this time to be in a band since I had an actual job? The perks of having your typical nine to five job. Besides, playing in a band felt more natural to me than editing books for a living. But since I needed to earn a living and playing in a band was hardly a payable job until we made it big, I had to do something else with my life, something I was semi passionate about.

"Kaitlyn, what is with you?" My best friend, Layla, asked, looking over some of the lyrics herself so she could get them down. Both of us were the singers. I did the majority since I was the one who was the least shy out of the two of us, but if you ask me, Layla should've been the lead singer. Our other good friend, Natalya, was also a singer, but she did backup mostly.

John, Layla's boyfriend, was our main guitarist slash DJ of the group. He was also the one who wrote the music for the songs we performed – when we actually did originals. The majority of the time, we did covers, which was fine, but truth be told I wanted some of our originals to be heard. Doing cover songs wasn't going to get us far in life.

Dolph was our bassist and a very talented one at that. He was probably the most talented guy in the group. The girls loved him. That's probably why our show consisted ninety percent of a female audience. And then there was Seth, our very mysterious drummer that we found online when our former drummer bailed. He hadn't been with us too long, but he was good at what he did so we couldn't necessarily turn him away.

I shrug to answer Layla's question. My mind wasn't on the song, it was on the fact that I had agreed to be Phil's pretend girlfriend to help him get back at AJ. It may have been my idea, but I definitely wanted to give myself a nice kick in the ass for partaking in this. But I knew I couldn't keep it a secret from my best friend forever. She would either wait it out until I chose to tell or bug me until I gave in.

Not wanting to put myself through either of those torturous options, I opted for choice three: getting it out in the open. "I did something stupid… that I can't go back on now because I agreed. I'm so stupid."

"What'd you do?" John chimed in, grabbing Layla by the waist and sitting the two of them down on the couch, my best friend on his lap. "Kaitlyn, you're a smart girl. I'm sure whatever you did isn't as bad as you think it is."

That's what I liked about John – he didn't owe me anything. But yet him and I got along so well and he had even said to me a couple of times that he was grateful to have me in his life. Layla was very lucky to have a good guy in her life. But she also knew that if he ever hurt her, I would rip off his favorite appendage. I wasn't worried though. Those two are so in love, it would take some great tragedy to tear them apart. Hell, I think if one of them ever slipped up – they won't though – they would forgive each other. That's how in love they are.

It could be nauseous at times, but all in all, I thought it was great. In a world that can sometimes be cold, it's good to be able to find something so rare.

"Okay, AJ broke up with Phil." I started off. I wanted to ease them into it before I decided to rip the band-aid off.

"Oh my God, is he okay?" Layla asked, her long dark hair swaying back and forth with her head movements.

I sighed. "He will be… but I kind of made a suggestion that I thought would cheer him up. Now I'm worried I made the wrong choice." I knew they were waiting for further explanation, but even I had to comprehend this whole thing. Maybe it wouldn't sound as bad out loud as I had perceived it to be in my head. "I told him to get back at her by having one of his friends pose as his new girlfriend."

"Uh oh… I think I know where you're going with this. _You're_ his fake girlfriend, aren't you?" Layla was quick as a rabbit. I could never get anything by her. And God knows she was opinionated as hell. "Kaitlyn! Are you crazy? Why would-? You know what, don't answer that." She put her hand to her forehead. In that moment I knew that was the first time she had ever been disappointed in one of my choices.

"Look, I know you don't understand, but… my friend was hurting so I offered a solution. Granted, I didn't know he would pick me as exhibit A, but he did. If I don't do this for him, Phil will never forgive me." As silly as it sounded, I believed everything I said. Like the justification I gave was good enough. I know that was just me trying to dignify my choice to play the part thought.

I swear, at the time I truly believed it was a good idea.

"Kaitlyn, I know that you meant well, but really? Why would you even suggest such a thing? What happens between AJ and Phil is their business, not yours. You were trying to help and I get that, but this is not going to end well."

I wish I had listened to her at the time.

"Layla, what would you have done if you were in my position? He came to me for advice and I gave him something. He didn't have to go along with it either. Besides, I get a date with Cody, his really hot friend, after this is all over so it's a win-win situation."

The look I got from Layla should've been the cue I had taken to get out of it before anyone got hurt. Instead, I brushed it off, like it was just her overprotective ways.

"I don't want you getting hurt – you wear your heart on your sleeve and you fall hard. What happens if you start getting feelings for him and he doesn't return those feelings? Then you're screwed. Kaitlyn, you deserve to be happy and this isn't going to accomplish that."

"I appreciate that, I do. But you know I'm the type of person who helps a friend in need. As weird as a request this is, it is my responsibility to follow through. As for me getting feelings for Phil, I got this. He's just a friend. He's like my brother. That's the only incentive I need to remind me that this is just for show."

I'm not sure she bought it or just gave up in trying to convince me that this was a very bad idea, but Layla didn't continue on her rant about this not ending well. I had won this little battle. But I had no idea what I was in store for.

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><p><strong>AN: **I'm baaaaaaaaaack! Please be patient with me. It's been ages since I've wrote fanfiction, let alone watched wrestling. I'm not sure what couples are popular right now since I've been gone for eight months so bear with me. Also, please be patient with updates too! Life is crazy right now.


	2. Chapter 2

**Shatter Me**

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><p>"You can't be surprised that they weren't exactly thrilled with this idea though," Phil said, getting ready for his big art show. "When anyone who isn't you and I think about it, it's a big mess. I get where they're coming from. But what do they think is going to happen that's going to be so disastrous?"<p>

"Layla thinks I'm going to get hurt after all this is said and done. She said I fall hard – apparently that means I'm going to develop those fuzzy feelings for you that you're not going to reciprocate and I'm going to be crushed." I answered honestly because he had a right to know. If Layla started staring daggers at him, he had to know why.

"Maybe it's a good thing that that's getting pointed out. Tell you what, if you start getting those fuzzy feelings – as you so delicately put it – let me know and we'll end it. The same goes for me. I'll even talk to Layla about it when her and John get here."

As flawed as he could be, Phil had the tendency to be charming and understanding in the most complicated situations. I still didn't see what the fuss about him was though. Maybe it was just because I knew him too well and that's why I couldn't see anything past that.

Helping him set up the wonderful portraits he painted himself, I couldn't help but notice how different my tattooed friend was since his breakup. He was free. He was himself. When he was with AJ, his whole demeanor was the exact opposite of how it was in that current moment. It was then when I started to see why girls had swooned the way they did for him.

It was the rebel factor that did wonders for him – the fact that he didn't give a shit. It was everything to girls. They wanted to date a bad boy. They wanted to boast about how they were able to rope in someone like him and brag to all their girlfriends about how they were changed now – about how mature they were.

"I think you're overly confident when it comes to them – I get that you and John are tight, but Layla is a hard case to crack. She's more about protecting me and my feelings than protecting herself." I grabbed one of his paintings and hung it up on a pillar that he had instructed me to. "You are really good at this painting thing. Why haven't you turned it into a profession yet?"

"It doesn't pay the bills, Kait. And besides, I like counseling those in need. It makes me feel like I can get through to people before they head down the path of self-destruction. How many people can say they got reached out to before they entered the point of no return? I wish I would have reached out to my brother before…" He stopped before he could really open up.

That was what bothered me about him – I know he wanted to keep up with the image he had created, but he needed to know that it was okay to have his weak moments. No one was perfect.

Ending the goal I had initially started out doing, I turned around and hugged Phil, knowing that he needed one. "You know that his accident wasn't your fault. There was no way you could have prevented it."

It was that moment when I saw a softer – different – side to him, the moment he held onto me and I heard him sniffle. He had been crying for his brother. Crying for what he missed. Crying for the closure he never got to have with Keegan. Crying for never making amends. It had been a combination of every emotion you could possibly imagine.

Our moment got interrupted when Layla and John walked in, Layla burning a hole through the back of Phil's head. It was apparent that she wasn't on-board with this whole charade whatsoever. If looks could kill, Phil would have been dead right then and there. Thankfully he was immune to all of that, probably from his rocky relationship with that beady-eyed, crazy ex girlfriend of his.

"I don't see AJ around. There's no need to be lovey-dovey like that," my British friend quipped, clearly unable to see the fact that Punk's eyes were red-rimmed from his little breakdown. "By the way, if _she_," she points to me from where she stood, "gets hurts, I swear to God above that you'll regret it."

For how little she was, Layla was actually scary when she went in beast mode like that. John offered me and Punk an apologetic look from behind her, probably because he didn't want to be on the receiving end of her rage. Who could blame him though?

His original plan of talking to her about our situation failed – Layla made sure to avoid him for the rest of the time we spent helping him set up. But there were a couple of times when I looked over in his direction and I had caught him just staring at me.

It made my heart skip a couple of beats.

_**-x-**_

The show had been a complete success and Phil was in a better mood – probably because he was receiving offers from everyone who had their own museum that they wanted to hang some of his paintings in their space. It was a huge deal for him and I couldn't have been happier for him.

Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted his beady-eyed ex sauntering in, like she owned the place – the arrogant smile plastered all over face. Man, did I ever want to go over there and bash her head in. But I knew I had to stay calm. Despite it all, I was still a lady and I needed to show my ladylike qualities as long as it meant that Satan's mistress kept her hands off of Phil. The last thing he needed was to get toyed with again from her.

It took him a matter of ten seconds to see her before he tensed up and reached for my hand – apparently our plan was now kicked into motion sooner than I had thought.

Not that it felt awkward… it just felt weird holding his hand like we were supposed to be a couple. Truth be told, I didn't think she would buy it because of many reasons, the obvious being they had just broken up days before. If anything, I was going to be branded a slut for moving in and taking advantage of a vulnerable friend.

Her eyes shifted to our locked hands and the look on her face went from happy-go-lucky to oh-no-you-didn't. The whole time I was praying that I didn't get into an altercation with her because I didn't need jail time on my already colorful record. It was going to be a long night.

I could tell that she was uncomfortable with what was unfolding in front of her eyes, but she tried to brush it off with nonchalance. "Phil, this is so amazing. I'm so proud of you." Being the malicious person she was, she maneuvered her way in between him and I and planted a big kiss on his cheek. The haughty smirk she threw my way allowed me to catch on really fast to her game.

"Maybe it's because all the negative energy is out of his life now so he can concentrate," I sniped at her. She had had this coming for such a long time now. I gave her the fakest smile I could possibly muster before reaching for his hand again. Only this time he rejected it—me.

To be honest, I wasn't so surprised by the reaction but that still didn't make it hurt less. Granted, I in no way, shape, or form had feelings for him but rejection was rejection. And it sucked. Especially when it came from someone who was supposed to be your best friend.

In a tasteless move, she draped an arm around his waist and snaked him off somewhere, away from me, turning back to give me a smile that said she had won. While I was left there to pick up the pieces of whatever the hell was about to ensue between them because I was well aware that they weren't getting back together. AJ was going to mess with him some more before leaving him high and dry.

There was only so much of this I could take. I needed to set boundaries for him before things got too out of hand for my liking.

As I stood there, it dawned on me that I had two options. Let Phil be AJ's puppet or be the hero in all of this. Bracing myself for what I was about to do, I sucked in a deep breath and searched high and low for them. Once I got them in my line of sight, I rushed over to them, afraid that I was going to back out.

Phil gave me wide eyes when he saw how I made a beeline towards him and AJ. Once I stopped at my destination, I managed to push AJ aside, stand on my tiptoes and press my lips against Phil's. It was never meant to be as passionate as it was, but it just happened. When he kissed me back, I heard AJ scoff from behind me.

For the briefest of moments, it felt like it was only him and I in the room, but when reality came crashing down on me in the most random flash, I pulled away from him, touching my swollen lips. "I'm gonna head out. I just wanted to say goodnight."

When I turned on my heel to leave, I closed my eyes, mortified of the scene I had just caused. I know people were watching once I caught Layla's disapproving eyes when I exited the building. I didn't stop to say anything; I just kept walking until I got to my car. But I didn't go home.

_**-x-**_

In most cases I would have been at a bar, drinking away my sorrows, but I felt like I needed to be a child again – just for the night. I just wanted things to not be complicated. What better way then to go to a park and sit on the swings until I was all swung out?

What was I doing? What was I thinking? I shouldn't have kissed Phil like that… it just seemed like the right thing to do at the time, especially with the agreement we had at the time.

Grabbing an end of my two-toned hair, I just stared at it, like it was the most interesting thing in the world. It was just a way to keep myself distracted from the world around me. I hated how quiet the world could be at times – it was actually quite scary. There was no sound around me to prevent me from thinking of everything under the sun. I needed to find a way to entertain myself.

That was until my phone buzzed in the pocket of my leather jacket – it was either going to be from Layla or Punk. Neither of which I felt like speaking to. Not because I was mad or embarrassed, I just didn't want the hassle from Layla and I didn't want to hear about how AJ was so jealous. I was just not in the mood.

My head was definitely spinning and my heart was racing to the max – that kiss with Punk had started unraveling me but I had no idea what was in store. So I brushed it off just thinking that it was due to the fact that I had just kissed my best friend, something I had promised myself I wouldn't do since… I got hurt from a previous experience.

My first love was a guy named PJ, we were best friends for the longest time before we started to transition into something more. We were in love or I was at least. I fell hard and fast, hence why Layla had so kindly pointed that out when I told her about my deal with Punk. It wasn't until I was ready to fully commit when he told me that he wasn't ready for our relationship to be exclusive and serious.

After that, I vowed to never get involved with my best friend again because PJ and I never went back to friend mode. We stopped talking eventually. I didn't want to lose that with Punk either. He was so important to me that the thought of losing him killed me.

This life thing was tricky business at times. I had no idea how to work through it at times or what to do either. My silent reverie was interrupted when someone sat on the swing beside me. I didn't have to look to know who it was. The heels gave her away.

"So on a scale of one through ten how bad was it?" I had to ask. I needed to know if there was any damage control I had to do.

"It wasn't too bad. Phil was definitely caught off guard. He even took off shortly after you did. I'm going to assume to find you. What was that?" My British friend queried. "I mean I know why you did it, but… you flummoxed me, Kaitlyn. You, like, freaked out afterwards. Are you okay?"

_No._

Sighing, I decided to just talk to her. Maybe she would offer me some words of wisdom like she usually did when she wasn't being hardheaded. "No. PJ popped into my head. I think that's why I freaked out like that. He was the last guy I kissed."

"You're afraid of getting hurt again, aren't you?"

"Yeah. I see what you and John have and I am so happy for you guys and I want that. But I just don't think I'm capable of maintaining a healthy relationship. I think the main reason as to why I agreed to be Phil's fake girlfriend is because I haven't been someone's girlfriend in so long. It's the closest thing I'll have to it without having to deal with getting hurt. I know it makes no sense to you, but it's the most logical thing to me."

Pulling my swing closer to hers, Layla rested her head on my shoulder. "You can't avoid relationships forever." Then she sighed. "If this pretend relationship with Punk is going to help you, then okay. I support you."

I looked at her, shocked that she just actually said that. "What? But you said—"

"I know what I said. I'm not okay with this and I definitely don't approve of it, but I support you, Kaitlyn. Maybe this will actually help in a way – a sick, unhealthy way, but still." We laughed a bit but I didn't comment.

We talked about a lot of other things for the rest of the evening. Eventually I gave in to my exhaustion and opted to go home though and slip into bed. But once I was snug as a bug, it took me forever to fall asleep. When I did, all I dreamt of was mine and Phil's kiss.

That seemed to be the only thing on my mind.


	3. Chapter 3

**Shatter Me**

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><p>I wake up the next morning with a much clearer head – something I didn't think was possible considering. But I did re-evaluate why I did what I had done the night before and it all came down to one conclusion: AJ had pissed me off so much by her antics that I wanted to get back at her, to get underneath her skin. To make her feel invisible and irrelevant.<p>

After getting taking a quick shower, I put my hair back into a messy ponytail – it's not like I had anywhere important to be for the day except for band rehearsal – and toss on some baggy jeans with a white tank top. I wanted to be as comfortable as possible.

Just as I'm about to head out my door, Phil is right there in my doorway, staring at me. I had managed to ignore all of his phone calls and text messages. I hadn't imagined him dropping by so abruptly. Not that I'm embarrassed about sucking his face off, I just felt awkward being around him at the time. It wasn't everyday that you made out with your best friend.

The correct thing to do would have been to invite him in, but I was already running late – on top of messing up the notes from the day before, this was not going to sit well with the other members of Lost Caution. Phil and I would just have to put a time aside to talk it out.

"I can't talk right now. I'm running late already. Layla will have my head on a silver platter if I screw up any more than I already have." I tried to get by him, but he wasn't budging, so I sucked in a breath. "Please let me through."

"Layla can wait. We need to talk about what happened last night."

"What's there to talk about? I kissed you to make AJ jealous. Why do we need to analyze this?" I tried my hardest to be calm about everything, but there was a smidgen in me that just wanted to break. I just couldn't though. It was bad enough that I was apparently feeling awkward in the moment, there was no need to make anyone else feel like that.

"Because you wigged out. Why else haven't you been returning my calls?" From the look on his face, I could easily detect that he was worried. I'm not sure if he was worried that I was mad at him or if he was worried about our friendship changing. Either way, it was a rare moment for him. He had always been so carefree and never gave a crap about anything. But this time he did.

I had no answer for him because there wasn't one. He had been right to make the assumption that I wigged out. The whole point of me dodging his phone calls and text messages was because I wasn't ready to face him.

But there he was – so in my face. There was no way I could avoid him or his questioning eyes. God, his eyes were tantalizing. The fear crept in on me – that I was going to have to open up about what was going on with me. I wasn't ready to have this conversation with him. He knew almost everything about me, but the whole PJ ordeal.

It was something I had wanted to keep buried from those who didn't know that piece of my past. That's why I moved – because I needed a new start, not to relive what had happened in the past. And Layla moved with me. She was tired of Texas. But then again she was tired of every city she lived in longer than two years.

Now there we were, in a foreign city where I chose because I wanted to forget about all my demons.

"Kaitlyn, talk to me, please. What's going on?" Once again his voice broke my trance. Only this time the tone in it was a different one – it sounded more desperate than anything. This wasn't him. He wasn't the type of person to be this worried about anything, let alone our friendship. Why? It had always been so simple to navigate through.

"Punk, it was awkward, right? You slipped your tongue in my mouth once we got into it. I wasn't expecting that." That's the best I could do. There was no way I was going to divulge to him my sob story. That would only make him feel sorry for me and I hated sympathy from others.

"Well you did start it."

We shared a laugh before we walked out of my apartment, together. I could tell this was still going to be an issue. "So I take it AJ wasn't very happy about it."

"No, she wasn't. She was angrier by the fact that I didn't wait the allotted time to move on. I guess she expected me to just being in mourning. Love really does suck sometimes." He ran a hand through his dark hair, the tattoos flexing down his arms. "These head games she's playing with me is hard to keep up with. But I'm confident I'll be victorious in this little war we have going on."

The fact that he was still in AJ land perturbed me a bit. He had no idea how annoying it was to constantly hear him go on and on about how amazing she was and how she was the love of his life. It made me want to roll my eyes and vomit, the former I did on occasion, by the way.

"I seriously wish you would just pick a nice girl to date instead of someone who is a bit on the psychotic side," I elbowed him in the ribs, trying to get a smile out of him. "But I guess the normal ones aren't into douche bags, so you have to take your pick of litter."

"Hey, I'm offended by that. Just because I'm honest and don't have a filter for my mouth doesn't make me a douche bag." He countered. "Besides, you're friends with a douche bag so what does that say about your taste in friends? Stop throwing stones, Kait."

In most cases, anyone would've thought he was serious but I knew he wasn't. That was his personality. When he joked, he was serious. Mainly because he wasn't a very funny person. The dynamic demeanor he had made it impossible for him to loosen up a bit. Not to say he was uptight, although that's how anyone would have labeled it.

But I wasn't anyone. I knew him so well. Just like I knew that when he used punctuation marks when he texted me, he was very excited. When he used ellipses, he was in a somber mood. That's how well I could read him.

That's why we were the best of friends in such a short amount of time.

We met after I accidentally rear-ended him in a traffic jam – for the most part, he was surprisingly calm about the situation. Unlike me, who was apologetic until he couldn't stand it anymore and told me to just leave. I left him all my information in case he needed it. When he called me up to say that there was no damage, I was immediately relieved and he told me that I owed him lunch at least.

Hard to believe that was only two years ago. It felt like we had been friends a lot longer.

"She doesn't deserve you. I just want to throw that out there. And I'm not saying that because of how she dumped you. I'm saying it because of all the ways she hasn't appreciated what you've done for her. Why would you want to be with someone like that?"

I had to ask. The first time I met AJ, I could tell there was something off about her. Phil would do all these great romantic gestures for her—and he wasn't much of a romantic—and she would blow him off to go out with her friends or she would never thank him for it. It was like she didn't care to be in a relationship – I wondered if that was why she broke up with him like that, because she was bored.

"Look, I know AJ hasn't exactly made it easy for us to be friends, but deep down, she's a good person. And I know she loves me. Maybe she thinks she doesn't anymore, but why else would she get pissed off about you kissing me like that?"

"Do you not know girls at all? We could not have feelings for you guys at all any more and we still wouldn't like to see you move on so soon. It makes it seem like you never gave a damn about us. Trust me when I tell you, AJ's ego is the only thing that's bothered by you moving on so quickly. But maybe I'm wrong. I guess we'll find out when our little experiment is over."

"Speaking of, the next time you plan on kissing me, don't run away. That's what made it so awkward." He gave me a wink. "It was nice though. You have nice lips."

The blush came out of nowhere and I couldn't control it. My cheeks were so red after hearing him say that. It wasn't everyday when your best guy friend told you that you had nice lips. I didn't have a response to that because I knew I would have to tell him something complimenting as well and there was no way to go about that in a platonic way.

Thank God we had reached my car before I could make this conversation any weirder than it had turned out to be. "Well thanks for walking me to my car. You're a true gentleman." And he was. "I guess we'll talk later?" It was more of a question than a statement because I wasn't sure if we would.

"Yeah, I'll call you. See you later, Kaitlyn." When he turned on his heel to leave, I let out a sigh of relief. At least I had gotten the hard part over with. I had prayed that our agreement would be over sooner rather than later.

The car ride over to band rehearsal, I blared my music as loud as possible to drown out everything running through my head – my thoughts would not win this time. They only made things worse.

_**-x-**_

After a couple of hours, we were beat. Eve's wedding was going to be perfect on our part. We made sure what we played was tasteful but still us at the same time.

Everyone else had left except for Seth and me who hadn't said much of anything to anyone. "Kaitlyn?"

He took me by surprise when he spoke because, let's be honest, we rarely talked. When we have had discussions, it had always been about the music. Other than that, I really knew nothing about him. "What's up?" I asked, grabbing my bag off the couch and adjusting it on my shoulder.

Seth Rollins looked nervous more than anything. "I was wondering if maybe you could help me with something. I know you're the lyricist and I feel awkward asking you, but I started writing this song but I am stuck. Could you help me out a bit?"

Well that was unexpected.

"Sure, but can we get some food first or something? I am starving. We'll take it back to my apartment." I suggested because I couldn't write without a little juice and God knew that I needed food at the time to motivate my ass. Besides, it would be a nice distraction to hang out with someone else other than Layla, John and Punk. And it would be doubly nice to take my mind off of Phil in general.

God, what was his deal anyway? What did it matter to him if I was mad at him? He was so engrossed with AJ that it shocked me that he was worried about our friendship. I was over it though. Once him and AJ got back together, the sooner he would stop talking my ear off about her.

"Sounds like a plan. Does your car have enough space for my bike or should I just meet up with you at the place?"

"How about you leave your bike locked up here and then I'll drop you off when we're finished. It'll make it a lot easier." I answered, very enamored by my fellow two-toned hair friend. His mysterious factor definitely captivated me.

Fifteen minutes later we had everything worked out and the great smelling Chinese food in Seth's lap as we pulled up to my apartment building. Oh, did it smell delicious.

I was taken aback by how easy it was for Seth—someone who was a mere stranger to me not too long ago—and I to converse about anything. It made the elevator ride a lot more enjoyable hearing about where he was from and what his goal in life was. The best part, I wasn't even bored. That usually never happened when I talked to new people.

By the time we made it to the floor my apartment just happened to land on, I was in a fantastic mood, laughing and smiling about whatever it was Seth had been saying to me. Delving around in my gigantic purse for my keys—hearing them jingle at the bottom—I grew impatient when I had to start pulling items out of my bag just so I could get to them.

After much of a battle, I finally pulled them out with an exuberant look on my face. "I think I need to downgrade purses." I joked around. My worst habit was trying to be funny when I wasn't.

"No way! It's the perfect place to hold my weed in." He went silent afterwards, waiting for my reaction, which I didn't have. Then he chuckled and pulled his hair back into a messy ponytail. "Now we're matching."

When we entered, my good mood faltered when I saw Phil laying on my couch—with his feet propped up on a pillow and I hated that—clicking off the TV the minute he saw us. Why was he still there? The look on his face was unreadable when he took in Seth with incredulous eyes. I guess he hadn't expected me to be in another guy's company but whatever.

That was his prerogative.

"Why are you watching TV on my couch, Punk?" Making it as civil as possible, I took a seat on the armchair across from it, motioning for Seth to come join me. This was not how I planned on this night going, that's for sure.

From the look on the Iowa native's face, it was easy to tell he was uneasy with there being a third person there. "Kaitlyn, if this is a bad time, we can hang out some other time."

"No way! We got this food for us. Plus, how are you going to get back with your bike back at the garage? Sit down and relax, Seth. Phil was just leaving." I gave him a wide-eyed glare that said if he didn't leave, I would kill him.

"I didn't know I was interrupting a date, which you never told me you had." Phil hopped off the couch, in a foul mood. His demeanor went from cocky and calm to pissed off in a whopping minute and to be honest, I don't know why.

Giving Seth the most apologetic look I could proffer, I grabbed Phil and walked outside the door to where we could chat without my guest hearing us. "What is your problem?"

"I don't have a problem. I didn't know you were dating anyone, Kaitlyn." He looked… hurt.

"Are you serious right now? Seth is in the band. He asked for my help on something, which is why he's here. And why does it matter if I'm on a date? I'm only your pretend girlfriend. Remember? There was nothing in our agreement that said I couldn't date other people. Next time you want to be an ass, make less of an effort. You do a good job of that when you're in a good mood."

Upset, I walked back into my apartment and slammed the door shut, catching how Seth flinched when the sound echoed off the walls. This was why I wasn't attracted to Phil – sometimes we wanted to kill each other. That was why I thought I had nothing to worry about. But in the meantime, I kept Seth entertained and we eventually wrote a great song that we would show everyone the next day.

At the end of the night, Seth took me by surprise when he hugged me when I dropped him off to get his bike. When I came back home and got into bed, I started thinking about how Seth and I got along so well and how we had so much in common. Maybe he was the road I needed to take when I was finished with Punk.


	4. Chapter 4

**Shatter Me**

I was able to go to work the next day without any regret or any feeling of being sick to my stomach from the night before; every time I got into it with Phil, I was the one to apologize. Mainly because I knew he never would. But this time had been different. I was the one who hadn't done anything wrong. Phil was. There was nothing for me to be sorry for.

Upon entering my office—so nice and quiet I could probably take a nap since I was still tired—I took notice of the roses sitting on my desk. Roses? That was the best he could do? It was going to take a lot more than roses to make up for last night; he went into jerk mode on me in front of my friend—if that's what I could even consider Seth.

Poor Seth didn't deserve to see that – he probably didn't want to hang out again, which sucked because I wanted to. He was a chill dude that I had a lot in common with and that seemed to be very rare nowadays. He even had the same philosophy with me on relationships.

Forcing myself to forget about the events from the previous night, I logged into my email to see if all my meetings were still in place – sometimes this job could be a real ball buster. I loved books and I loved being part of a company involved with books, but having to socialize with boring people didn't exactly excite me like most people. I knew they judged me because of my hair colors, my appearance and the fact that I adored comic books.

It wasn't too long ago when I overhead one of the assistants talking about me to one of the bosses, saying that I had no personality and that I didn't belong. Safe to say, that boss actually liked me and brushed off the remarks like they were nothing. But it still didn't make it easier to hear.

There was also gossip around the office about my sexuality because usually the only person to visit me was Layla; except when Phil made that appearance the other day, then the gossip went from my sexuality to him and I doing it. Wasn't gossip supposed to end after you left high school?

Looking up from my desk, I noticed my door slowly opening, inch-by-inch. When he poked his dark short hair in—apparently making sure I didn't have any knives ready for him—Phil soon sauntered in, taking a seat on the opposite side of my desk, propping his feet up on it. "You know I was expecting knives or something. After all I was an ass last night."

"They're too good for you," I simply said, an annoyed tone in my voice. "I'm thinking a cliff is a much better way for your demise. It won't take too much of a beating that way."

Chuckling, Phil stared at the roses on my desk, confused. "Roses? Who are they from?"

"I don't know. I thought maybe they were from you to apologize for you behavior last night." Now I'm intrigued. I rushed over to pull the card out from the middle of the bouquet before Phil could and I smiled when I see they're from Seth.

_**I had fun last night. Thank you.  
><strong>**Seth**_

"You're glowing—is that the term you gals use? Aww, does Kaitlyn have a secret admirer?" His sarcastic tone hadn't bothered me much. I was on a high. Seth wasn't upset with me at all – he actually enjoyed the time we spent together. The excitement was plastered all over my face, so much that it made Punk take the card from my hand to read it. "This is the guy from last night?"

"I'm surprised. I was almost sure that you had scared him away." I remind him of his douche bag ways.

"That must've been one hell of a songwriting session. Or maybe something else happened?" He raised a quizzical eyebrow at me – I don't know if he just curious or if it bothered him about the time I had spent with another guy.

"Why does everything come back to sex with you? Besides, I'm not the kind of person to sleep with someone on the first date unlike some people I know." Phil had always made his sex life the very focal point of his and AJ's relationship. He over shared a lot and didn't take into account that people didn't want to hear about their sexcapades.

"You're such a prude, Kaitlyn. But, hey, if this guy is someone that you think you could build a relationship with, then go for it. This is great. You and Seth. Me and AJ. We can even arrange a four way some time."

"I really hate you sometimes. Remind me why we're friends again." Now I'm more annoyed than anything. Phil could never just be happy for me. Maybe it was because the universe couldn't revolve around his tragic relationship that it made him jealous. "Are you jealous that I'm starting to spend time with another guy?"

"Me? Jealous? No way. I just don't want you getting hurt or rushing into anything. According to Layla, you fall hard." He threw that in my face for spite. "Why is everyone staring at us?" He pointed to the people looking through the glass walls at us.

"They think we're doing it. Apparently who I'm sleeping with is important to people other than you." Trying my hardest to brush off all the glares, I returned to my computer and began typing away, hoping it would give Phil the hint that he needed to leave.

"Why do you put up with it? It's not their business if we are or are not sleeping together." His demeanor had shifted yet again from cocky to concerned. Rolling his chair up behind me, he forced me to turn mine around to look at him. "If they want a show to stare at, let's give them one."

My eyes widen in horror at what he had suggested; there was no way he could've been serious about putting on a show for my co-workers. "You're kidding, right?" When that smirk played up on his lips, I had gotten my answer. "Tell me you're just joking."

Brushing hair behind my ear, Phil just left his hand on my face, circling his finger around my skin. "Just go with it, Kaitlyn. They're assholes. If they want something to talk about, it needs to be true at least. Now I'm going to kiss you – I'm giving you warning because I'm a gentleman like that."

My heart was racing and I was suddenly dreading this visit more than I did his last one and that last one had made me sick to my stomach. I swallowed the large lump that had taken up residency in my throat. "Don't." I whispered weakly because that's exactly what I had become.

"Do you trust me?" He asked, getting a light nod out of me. "Just follow my lead, okay? I know what I'm doing." And then before I could protest any further, Phil had pressed his soft lips against mine and while it wasn't exactly the worst kiss in the world, it was definitely… strange. Finally, I gave in though and opted to return his kiss by making it more urgent.

Standing us up without ever breaking it, Phil sat me down on my desk, my legs wrapped around his waist as he cupped my face in his hands before finally breaking free. Kissing my forehead, Phil soon backed off, shoving his hands in his pockets, refusing to look at me. "I— That— Well, that…" He couldn't even form a coherent, let alone complete, sentence. He looked as dumbfounded as I had been.

"Yeah," was all I could get out of my mouth without going into panic mode. Now things were definitely off between us. But when I turned to see all the smiles and thumbs up I got from my co-workers, I actually smirked. "Looks like it worked. Thanks."

My smirk faltered when I saw the card from Seth on my now messy desk – how could I try to get to know him when I was in the process of helping my best friend get back with his ex by pretending to be his current girlfriend? It would be wrong on so many levels.

"About last night, I overstepped my boundaries," the Chicago native started, still avoiding my eyes. "And I'm sorry for ruining your hangout or whatever it was with Seth. It just threw me off – I don't think I've ever seen you bring a guy back to your apartment and I… went into protective mode. I shouldn't have and I'm sorry."

Walking over to him, he flinched when I wrapped my arms around him to give him a hug. "You're forgiven. I'm sorry I called you an ass." We stayed like that for a couple of minutes, him kissing the top of my head, me just smiling as he held me. It was nice. "So we're still on for tonight? _Operation Make-AJ-Jealous_ is still intact, right?"

My eyes lit up when Seth started to come into my office as I was being embraced by Phil – great, this was bound to be awkward, especially since my co-workers just witnessed mine and Punk's make out session. Before Phil could answer, I had pulled away from him to walk over to my fellow two-toned friend. "Thank you for the roses. It was sweet of you."

The look on his face showed how conflicted he was and who could blame him? He walked into my office to see me and another guy is holding me. It definitely looked bad on my part. And it probably made Seth want to run in the other direction.

"It's not a big deal – it was just a thank you." He ran his fingers through his long hair, his beautiful, two-toned hair. "If this is a bad time, I can come back." Seth had that special thing about him that took me under his spell. It was a mysterious, unique charm that captivated me. Which girl wouldn't?

"Nope, not a bad time," Punk spoke up. Heading over to Seth, he extended a hand to him. "Look, I feel like I owe you an apology too for how I acted last night. And I hope this doesn't change your and Kait's relationship. She's a great girl." He turned to me and I knew he meant it. But I also saw a brush of disappointment in his eyes, like there was something he regretted.

"We're cool, man." Seth accepted the handshake. "Listen, I was going to see if you wanted to go to lunch, Kait. Phil, you should join us. I think it would be good symmetry if I got to know more of Kaitlyn's friends and you two seem like you're close."

I wasn't sure if this was a good idea or if this could potentially be the best thing to happen. Seth actually wanting to get to know my friends was a huge deal; it definitely meant that there was something there and it was important to me that the two of them got along. After all, it looked like it was heading down the path of the two of them becoming the two most important men in my life.

"Thank you for the offer, but… I have an art show to set up for." Phil lied, I know he did. He would've mentioned an art show to me.

"What art show?" I inquired so I could catch him in his lie. Why didn't he want to hang out with us? It's not like Seth and I were a couple or anything, just two friends getting to know each other better.

"Um, it's just one for a client. I'll see you guys later." His answer was vague and left a lot to the imagination. Something definitely didn't feel right about his response. Now he had suddenly turned into an evasive friend, which was something Phil Brooks wasn't.

Before I could further interrogate him, the dark haired man rushed out of the office, looking like he was grunting under his breath, like he was upset by Seth's sudden appearance. Wasn't he the one who had always told me to get back on the saddle, that I needed to start dating?

This was definitely going to bother me during my lunch date with Seth. Phil had been doing that a lot lately.

_**-x-**_

No phone calls. No text messages. No nothing.

Phil had completely fallen off the grid. His _Facebook _page hadn't been updated either which was weird since he was constantly on it. Something was definitely up and I had fallen victim to being worried about him. Once again, I pulled out my phone and shot him another text message: _Please text me back! I'm worried about you, dude. Talk to me!_

My lunch with Seth had gone well though. Thank the Lord. Something needed to go accordingly since everything had seemed to be falling apart. When he asked me to be his date for Eve's wedding though, I froze and told him I would think about it – there wasn't much to think about since AJ would be there and that meant Punk would be going.

I had promises I had to keep. But if Phil didn't answer his phone soon, I was five seconds away from bailing on him and accepting Seth's offer. At least I would have a date that actually wanted to be there with me and not pretend to have a good time.

My thoughts must've been turned all the way up because the next thing I knew, Punk was barging through my door, looking panicked. _Great, another asshole rant. Just what I want. _But I also made out how red his eyes were, like he had been crying. Rolling my eyes because I knew what this was about, I folded my arms across my chest.

"AJ told me that she cheated on me, that she felt dead inside from our relationship so she wanted to feel something and slept with some random guy. Apparently me focusing on my career and building a life for us was just too much for her to handle. I was getting too serious for her and she just wasn't ready for that."

For once I had nothing to say – in a million years I never thought this would be the reason as to why she would dump Phil. My initial reaction was just because she was bored with their relationship, not because she felt trapped.

When he slumped down on my couch, I then realized that he was officially ruined; I had never seen him this down before, except for his brother's death, but he had never broke down so easily over it like he did with AJ's admission. Punk had finally reached his breaking point and it was hard to get that out of him.

Crouching down in front of him, I grabbed his hands and held them. "I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do?"

"What is wrong with me, Kaitlyn? I mean, did I not give her enough love and affection?" Shrugging it off, he sucked back all of his emotions. "Whatever. I sound like a chick. I still want her back though as sick as that sounds."

"You're a masochist. You get off on pain; sad but true." Pulling him up from the sofa, I stopped him dead in his tracks so he could look me in my eyes. "There is nothing wrong with you, to answer your question. Any girl would be lucky to have you. I mean that."

"Thank you." He looked down at his feet, trying to avoid an intimate eye contact moment. "Do you mind if I crash here for the night? My place reminds me too much of her and I just can't deal with it tonight. Tomorrow, maybe. But definitely not tonight."

"Of course. You want the bed or the couch?"

"Let's just go to sleep together, okay? It'll be nice to not sleep alone."

Instead of arguing with him about how this wasn't the best idea since we had made out a couple of times—which I had forgot about until my brain decided to bring it back up—I opted for silence. All he wanted for the night was comfort. Who better to get that from than a friend?

We fell asleep that night holding hands, and it had been the best night of sleep I had gotten in quite a while.


	5. Chapter 5

**Shatter Me**

* * *

><p>The next morning I woke up to find Phil wide awake, watching me with those curious eyes of his. There was a huge grin plastered on his face, making me all the more uncomfortable. My hair was a hot mess because I hadn't bothered to put it back in a braid when I went to sleep the night before and my mascara was probably down my face. When I rubbed my eyes and saw the black makeup over my hands, I got my answer.<p>

"Good morning, sleepy head," he said in a cheerful voice – it was obvious he wanted to laugh at my appearance. "You slept hard, beautiful." Caressing my face, Phil moved in a little closer to where he could kind of put his arms around me—well as best he could since we were both lying down. "Thank you for last night."

"It was my pleasure. Truth be told, it's the best night of sleep I've had in a while." And it was the truth. The last time I had slept that well was when Layla gave me some ZZZQuil to knock me out after my breakup with PJ.

"I don't want you getting the impression that I'm not grateful for what you're doing for me either. Kaitlyn, you are the most important person in my life and I would never take you for granted. And I know you're giving up a lot to help a friend in need, like dating a tool like Seth."

Wriggling out of his hold on me, I sat up, grabbed my hairbrush and started focusing on getting myself into _you-look-okay_ mode. Plus, I was annoyed that he had started to open up that can of worms yet again. "You can't judge Seth when you haven't made the attempt to know him."

Slowly sitting up, Phil took my hand and stopped me from working on my hair. "I know enough, Kaitlyn. The guy is not good enough for you. Please, as your friend, I am begging you to not settle on the first guy who gives you attention. You're better than that."

"Are we really going to have this discussion right now? We just had a great night last night and now you want to tell me who I can and cannot date. You don't see me forbidding you from dating AJ, even though let me tell you something, you could do a lot better. Give me one thing about Seth that is off-putting."

Trying to rip my hand away, Phil keeps a hold of it, gripping it tighter. "I don't trust him. Yes, I don't know him and I know that you're skeptical when it comes to my colorful dating history, but you have to believe me." Those eyes of his were hard to deny, especially when he was usually always right about things like this.

Circling his fingers over my hand, a chill had crept up the small of my back – his touch, different from all the usual ones, sent a tingle throughout my body. It was the kind that could send anyone into overdrive. "I like Seth. Phil, I know me dating is a foreign concept but it's starting to happen. Accept it."

Looking down at my sheets, I heard him emit a sigh. "Are you going to tell him of our arrangement?"

"No. He doesn't need to know. Once I hold up my end of the bargain, then I'll see where this thing with him and I is going. The last thing I want is for him and I to be dating while you and I are pretend dating. He wouldn't understand, even if I explained."

Angling himself to where he could perch himself at the edge of my bed, Phil rested his head against my flat stomach. All I could do was run my fingers through his hair as he kept his grip on me. "Seth's one lucky guy, I'll tell you that. If he hurts you, Kaitlyn, I swear I will make him regret it."

"Same for AJ – if she hurts you again, I mean."

When he looked up at me, something was different. He slowly stood to his feet while keeping his arms wrapped around my waist. My heart raced. I had no idea what he was up to or if it was just one of those random moments friends got when alone together after spending the night sleeping platonically in the same bed.

Reacting in the only way I possibly could, my whole body started shaking. He swallowed hard when he gazed at me with intense eyes. Reaching for the top button of my shirt, I saw how his hand trembled. My mouth wanted to shout at him to stop this before we cross the point of no return but my brain had everything on lock down.

Grazing my neckline with his warm hand, I finally mustered the strength to back away from him, making him flinch. "What are we doing? Wait, what are you doing?" I'm completely mortified. That was the best way to sum it up.

"Kaitlyn, I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me." He's as humiliated as I was. I could tell he wanted to make an exit by the way he kept eyeing my bedroom door – but we needed to talk about what this was about, why we almost…

I don't know why I did what I did next, but something came over me and I just went with it. Cornering him against the wall, I reached for the hem of his shirt and slowly raised it up to his head so that I wouldn't have any issues taking it off.

Placing my hands on his chest, Phil placed his on top of mine and pulled me into him, holding my body against his. He brushed some of the hair out of my face before tackling my lips – this time his kiss was aggressive and desperate, like he was trying to relieve the tension in his life. I just happened to take the bait and let him use me in his temporary state of getting back at AJ.

After all, that's what this had been about – getting back at the one person who never gave a damn about him; maybe he was starting to see the light and realizing that he didn't need AJ to make him happy, that maybe he could finally move on. Or maybe this was just his way to take out all of the pent up anger he had been holding inside for the week.

Once he got me over to the bed, we had officially crossed the line that I had been trying to avoid since meeting him. But at the moment in time, I didn't care. I wanted to go there.

_**-x-**_

After dozing off, I was pretty worn out in my defense – two hours was a long time to go, I glanced over and saw that Phil was still peacefully asleep. Trying to be as quiet as possible, I quickly hopped out of my bed, put back on my clothes and left my apartment.

What we had just done was irresponsible. And there was no way I wanted to wait for him to wake up so we could go on and act like nothing ever ensued between us. The guilt had overran my conscience because now I was the one to bail after a one-night stand—if it could even be considered that since it had been morning—when I wasn't that person.

Good thing I had managed to grab my purse because my phone had started buzzing off the hook and that's where my phone happened to be – it was probably Layla, wondering where I was since her and I agreed to meet up with Eve to try on dresses for the wedding.

"I swear I'm coming." Wrong choice of words to use, I realized, slapping my forehead. "I got… distracted. Go inside and I will meet you guys, I promise."

"_Kaitlyn, you're such a flake as of late. I know you have a lot of stuff going on, but seriously?! Now you're oversleeping and that isn't like you." _Layla screeched on the other end of the phone. Sometimes she had the bad habit of over dramatizing things when they really weren't too important.

"Something came up." Technically it wasn't a lie. God, I could still smell Phil on me. If I could then I knew that everyone else would be able to too. Great, there was no time to shower – even if I could, I couldn't go back to my place until he was gone.

"_Something came up? Really, Kaitlyn? Did you have another fight with Phil or something? You two are so toxic when you're together. Good thing you two are just friends. Imagine if something was going on between the two of you. It would be the Fourth of July everyday."_

My brain had started to hurt just from her voice. It was too early to talk about Phil; I didn't even want to talk about him. Layla was going to shoot me when I told her that I slept with him. If I even decided to tell her. I was still on the fence about that.

"…_So John is majorly excited about this wedding – I think he might be getting ready to propose or something. Wouldn't it be so amazing if he did at Eve's wedding?"_

Apparently I had missed a good chunk of what she had said because her mood had completely shifted to nervous and anxious when I had tuned back in. "Layla, I'll be there in ten minutes. Okay? I need to drive and in order to do that, you have to let me off the phone."

Before she could reply with a snipe comment about how cranky I was, I turned off my phone, hopped into my car and drove to the bridal shop without ever glancing back at my apartment complex.

_**-x-**_

After we had our last fitting, Layla and I said our goodbyes to Eve and then embarked on our own little venture. That being a nice lunch at _Charlotte's _– they were known for their grilled chicken BLT sandwiches and I had been craving one for as long as I could remember.

With my mouth full, I asked, "Hey, do you think I could crash at your place tonight? There's a big rat I don't want to deal with – don't worry I've called the landlord about it. He just can't get to it today." I felt bad for lying but there was no way I could tell her without her being judgmental. But who knew I could be so believable? Or maybe Layla was just gullible.

"Sure, no problem." Seeing that I didn't have any belongings with me, my British friend propped her head on her hand and stared at me. "Where's your stuff? Kaitlyn, something tells me that it's not a rat that you're dealing with. What's wrong?"

So much for my not wanting to tell her idea – as much as I loved Layla—she was the sister I never had—she was the most judgmental person I knew. There was no way she was just going to brush off my confession without giving me those eyes of hers, the ones that say she's disappointed with my crappy choices.

When I didn't answer, she was already two steps ahead of me. "By rat do you mean a person? And by person do you mean a guy? Like maybe a certain drummer we both know and love?"

For once I had wished to be anywhere else but where I was. When Layla got started in her interrogation, she was relentless in her attack. She wouldn't give up until she had all the answers and the details. I don't know how she knew about Seth and me hanging out—I would have to ask her about that. I did not like being talked about.

"It wasn't Seth. But there is a guy in my apartment, probably wondering where I went. I did the sneak out, Layla. What's wrong with me?"

"Gosh, was he _that_ bad that you couldn't even stay and face him?"

"What? No, my God, Layla. The sex was great – raw, animalistic, aggressive. But… it was a mistake. One I am not ready to discuss with him."

"So what's the problem? Was his penis too little or something?"

It was not the right time to be comical. As much as it was probably needed, it wasn't necessary. I was facing a crisis and wasn't in a laughing mood at all. My brain was way too rattled with questions and guilt to try to comprehend anything other than those two things.

"Layla, please be serious here. I slept with Phil."

Her jaw dropped and it was the reaction I had been expecting since I envisioned telling her. Throwing down her sandwich, signifying she was officially feeling sick to her stomach—who could blame her? I'd been feeling that way all morning—Layla gave me the once over. Only instead of disappointing eyes, her brown eyes had a bit of a twinkle in them.

"Okay, I can see why you're panicked. Who initiated it?" Now she was just asking because she was nosy and wanted all the details from my little tryst. When it came to sexual encounters, Layla's focus was an astounding two hundred percent on whoever was telling the story.

"It's hard to answer. He started it, technically; then I freaked out and scolded him. But then I started it back up. So I really don't know. I am so freaking stupid. How could I let this happen? Now it's going to be all weird and shit." Bringing my forehead down to the table, I inwardly sighed to myself.

"You might be surprised. Kaitlyn, we're at a day in age where friends sleep with each other all the time and nothing changes. Before John and I ever officially got together, we screwed like bunnies up and down the walls. It was pretty graphic. But needless to say, it's healthy to succumb to your urges. Lord knows you haven't had any in a while."

While I hated admitting it out loud, which was mainly why I had been thinking it, Layla had a point – maybe I was making an even bigger ordeal out of it than what it was. Besides, Phil and I were just trying to find a nonviolent way to take out our frustrations; I wish it had been something else not involving sheets or a bed, but regardless, our tension had finally been relieved.

And I couldn't lie, it had been fun. No I wasn't proud of what we did, but somehow if given the chance I probably would have done it again. Did that make me a bad person?

"I just don't want to have a conversation with him today – if I can put it off until tomorrow, I think I'll be fine. I'm just not ready to look at him when we more than looked at each other. I saw him naked, Lay. I'm embarrassed. I just… I'm acting like a prepubescent girl. I will talk to him. But can I please stay at your place for the night? I'll go home tomorrow when I know the rat's gone."

"Sure thing, you whore!" Layla teased me. And for the first time that day, I actually laughed. And it felt good. It felt so damn good to not be judged by my best friend.

It may have been becoming a habit, but I would deal with Phil when I was ready to. In the meanwhile, I just wanted to enjoy myself in the present. And I was off to a great start.


	6. Chapter 6

**Shatter Me**

* * *

><p>My little sleepover at Layla's had turned into much more than I had expected – she went above and beyond and invited over some of the girls: Eve, Maryse, Summer, Natalya and Paige. Poor John had been kicked out of his own place so that us girls could get some bonding in. Oh joy.<p>

Summer, who I really didn't know all too well, was only there because of the fact that she was Dolph's girlfriend so we were more or less obligated to invite her. Paige was Summer's good friend and had nothing else to do, hence why she had chosen to tag along with her blonde friend. Nattie, besides talking to her in the band, I rarely talked to. And Maryse was Eve's best friend, so she was also there out of obligation, though she was way too high maintenance if you ask me.

Usually in social situations I'm the odd ball out, but after my third glass of wine, I was feeling nice and buzzed; I rarely drank, that's why I'm such a lightweight. You could imagine my surprise when I started laughing along at jokes I normally wouldn't find funny at all.

"Dolph wants me to call him 'Ziggy' in bed. It sounds too much like a wizard's name. I didn't like Harry Potter when it was cool and I still don't like it now." Summer spoke in that high-pitched voice of hers. God, every time she talked—no matter how soft—it always sounded like nails on a chalkboard. It made me want to rip out my eardrums.

"Hey, if the sex is good, why complain? It's always good to role play." Layla chimed in with her opinion.

"Because why can't it just be Dolph and Summer – not alter egos we come up with because we're bored? You don't think there's anything wrong with pretending to be someone you're not, especially in bed?"

Wow, Summer Rae could be quite philosophical when she wanted to be. Her take on role-playing was an interesting one at that – she poised herself very passionate on the subject and that was an admirable trait from the blonde.

After much chattering from the other girls, they all had turned their attention to me, as if waiting for me to open up to them. Sorry, but I barely knew half of them. With the exception of Layla and possibly Eve, no one there really had any business in my personal life.

"So are you and Phil are a thing now? Or are you and Seth a thing? I'm hearing conflicting rumors. Care to clear the air on this, Kaitlyn?" Natalya took me by surprise when she asked these questions. I always thought of her as respectful since she was the mature one of the group but apparently I judged too quickly.

I could have easily denied both accusations since technically I wasn't a "thing" with Seth or Punk, but since the latter had asked me to go all in on this—meaning I had to say out loud to others, besides Layla obviously, that we were a couple so it didn't get back to AJ that we were just messing with her—I was going to have to lie. "Phil and I… we're exploring a relationship." It was the best way to explain it.

"Okay, what the hell does that mean?" Again I was taken off guard when the other British woman, whom I didn't know at all, queried. Had I mentioned how much I loathed nosy people? My life wasn't that fascinating. There was no need for all the questions. And I didn't have to answer them, especially since only two of them were my friends.

"It means that we're still in the early stages and we're not labeling it. And as for the Seth thing, where are you guys hearing all this? We have only hung out twice. No need to make a big deal out of it."

I hated how defensive I got, but I honestly felt like I was being trapped in a corner and would only be let out when I gave them all the answers they had been seeking. It could be quite irritating at times.

"Guys gossip too, you know. Seth told Dolph how you and him are spending time together and that he's really starting to see something special in you." Summer came forward. Well at least now I knew how everyone had found about Seth and me hanging out.

Sucking down the rest of the wine in my glass, I immediately poured another glass and chugged that down as well; I was going to have to let Seth down easy and tell him I was dating someone when I really wasn't. God, this was unfair.

Sometimes I still wonder what would have happened had I just came clean to Seth about what was really going on – I'm sure it would have been a lot easier to deal with than going through the whole Phil fiasco. Besides, I really liked Seth; I don't know what drove me to pick Phil over him in the end, but I went with my gut. Never again will I listen to that.

I knew they were waiting for me to analyze my feelings and bond with them and all that girly stuff, but I did not operate that way. I was more of a sit-back-and-listen type of person. It was rare when I talked about my feelings and I definitely wasn't going to start at that particular time when everyone was either drunk or buzzed. It would be like talking to the wall. They would be there, but wouldn't really listen.

"Kaitlyn, I would like to apologize on behalf of my friends. It's kind of like being initiated into the group. They ask you a lot of questions about your personal life. Don't feel like you have to answer them, especially if you're uncomfortable." Eve took the wine glass away from her mouth to speak directly to me. Clearly, she was enjoying the alcohol way too much.

"Hey, if it makes you feel any better, they asked me how I felt to be Mike's sloppy seconds since he was with Eve first," Maryse, the French-Canadian, was the next one to speak up. Her accent was thick but understandable. Out of all the girls there that I didn't know, Maryse was one that I seemed to be able to relate most to.

When my phone started buzzing on the floor beside me, I breathed in a sigh of relief. I had been saved by the bell. Usually, especially in my case, I wouldn't have been relieved to see Phil's name pop up on my screen, but in this case I gladly took the call.

"I have to take this." I looked at Layla, letting her know who it was just by giving her a certain look. She went from happy drunk to concern in a whopping ten seconds once it registered in her head.

Going into another room to where it would be quiet, I took a deep breath before accepting the call. "Hi," I nonchalantly spoke into the receiver, trying to remain calm. But deep inside I was freaking out. I had just slept with this guy not even twenty-four hours before and we hadn't talked about it. This had been a conversation I had been dreading.

"_Hey yourself,"_ I could tell he was trying to be just as blasé as I had been. The sound of him clearing his throat, like he was searching for the right thing to say, didn't deter me like I predicted it would. _"You took off this morning before I woke up."_

_I was trying to get away from you. _Those were the words I had been desperately trying to let out without coming off as a bitch, but truth be told, I didn't have the heart to lay the truth on him. How could I come out and say I was running away from him? How could I say that he was turning into the scariest thing in the world?

In the short amount of time we had been pretending to be together, things were changing fast. I don't know if it was just because I had been getting the most action I had had in a while or if it was because I was starting to see my best friend in a different light; both options scared the living shit out of me. I wasn't ready to deal with them.

"I wound up meeting with Layla and Eve for that fitting I told you about, then Layla and I went to lunch. Now we're having a slumber party. There are, like, four girls here I don't know all too well who are asking a lot of questions about you and I."

It amazed me how well I could lie, even though technically it wasn't. Everything I told Phil was the truth, I just omitted the part about me leaving before I had to meet up with Layla. The less he knew, the better.

"_So you're not coming back to your place then? I think we need to talk about what… we did this morning, Kaitlyn. I get that you had all these plans and I would never ask you to break them, but can you take five minutes out of your slumber party to meet up with me?"_

The tone in his voice was more pleading than desperate; he had been freaking out about it too. It was rare for Phil to freak out over anything so I knew this was a huge deal. "I'm kind of drunk, Phil. I know you don't like to be around alcohol. Can't we just talk about this when I'm sober?"

"_Why are you avoiding me? I've seen you drunk before. You're going to need a better excuse to get out of this. I'm not letting you off the hook and if I have to, I will go to Layla's to see you. You keep forgetting that I know where her and John live."_

Pressing my hand to my forehead, I sighed in defeat. I had lost this battle. "Fine. Meet me outside of their apartment complex. Could you bring me some clean clothes though? I'm wearing the ones I wore last night and I'm starting to smell. You'll be my best friend in the whole entire world if you do."

"_I thought I already was." _He laughed on the other end and it felt nice to hear. Maybe the conversation wouldn't be as bad as I expected. _"Okay, I'll be there in about twenty minutes with your stuff."_

When I walked back into the living room, everyone had fallen asleep. Damn, had I been on the phone that long? Well at least leaving to see Punk wouldn't be such a hassle since Layla was knocked out. The last thing I needed was for her to give me a lecture about all of this.

Quietly, I grabbed my purse and headed outside in the freezing cold to get this thing over and done with. Now all I could do was wait for him to get there.

_**-x-**_

Twenty minutes later, just like he had said, Phil pulled up in his 1994 Honda civic – God, he really needed to get a new car. He hopped out, dressed in his usual clothes, cargo shorts and a black T-shirt. How he could make such a simple look look so good was beyond me.

When he went to hand me my backpack filled with clean clothes, our hands touched briefly and images from that morning came back to me in a flourish. "Thanks." I said, keeping my eyes to the ground, biting my bottom lip – it was a nervous habit I needed to break. "About this morning, Phil… I think we should just forget it happened. I mean, it's not like it meant anything."

As harsh it sounded, it was the only way for things to go back to being normal between us – I wasn't ready to lose him as a friend because of our little slip up. We could continue to be friends without this ruining everything and the only way to do that was to act like it never happened. It sounded logical at the time.

"But it did happen, Kaitlyn – I'm not like you. I can't just shut things out because I don't want to deal with them." He inched himself closer, so close to where he was practically in my face. "I can't forget about it."

Swallowing hard, I finally looked up at him. "We have to. Things are getting weird. Maybe we should stop this whole thing before we can't fix it. I know you want AJ back, but perhaps this isn't the route to go."

"Do you want to stop?"

In my head I had been saying yes, but when it came time to actually answer, I couldn't say it. "I don't want to break my promise to you." It sounded stupid, but I still believed at the time he could get her back. I wasn't one to go back on a promise either. Whether I liked it or not, I was going to finish what I had gotten myself into.

"Okay then. So we're okay? I feel like we've been asking each other that a lot lately. Maybe we should just stop asking. Now I've made this awkward. Great." He scratched the back of his neck – that was his nervous habit.

"You're quite cute when you're nervous, Phil," the words had slipped out of my mouth inadvertently. I needed to start sorting between my thoughts and my words because they were bound to get me into trouble.

"Oh, so you find me cute, huh?" Now he was just teasing me. "It's okay, I know you do. You can just admit it already. Maybe this morning was just your way of seducing me. After all, you did start it."

When he smiled at me, I officially blushed. "No way. You started it. Remember? You started unbuttoning my shirt. I pushed you away. But I was hot and bothered and decided to just go for it anyway."

"You wish. I know you wanted me. It's been on your face since you've met me. Maybe that's why you haven't wanted AJ and I back together since we broke up. Maybe you feel like it's your chance."

Our little banter matches that we had always simmered down the tension – he was doing it as a way to get us back on the right path. When it felt like the weight of the world was off my shoulders, I wrapped my arms around him and gave him a much overdue hug. But my heart had been racing and I could hear his too.

"You should probably get back inside before Layla sends the cavalry." Phil whispered to me, still holding onto me so tight—like he was afraid that if he let me go, I wouldn't return to him. After he had battled with the inner voices in his head, Punk hesitantly let go of me, kissing me on the top of my head. "Have fun."

Stunned, I stood there and watched him take off down the street, not having a care in the world that he sped by a police officer. And when the sirens on the cop car assailed my ears, following after Phil, I let a good chuckle because it was the only reaction I could let out naturally, seeing as I had faked our entire conversation.

I wasn't okay and I couldn't forget about our little liaison, no matter how hard I protested. Things were definitely on the precipice of change and that worried me.


	7. Chapter 7

**Shatter Me**

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><p>With the hangover from hell looming over my head, I somewhat felt better than I had last night, surprisingly – my mood went from tense to normal all because of talking things out with Phil. Granted, I was still stressing about where we stood, but at least we had been adults and addressed the situation.<p>

There was no justification for what we did, especially since him and I had no romantic feelings about one another in any way, shape or form. But I couldn't deny that I had maybe thought a couple of times what it would be like to sleep with him in that capacity. It's not like I wished for it.

Since it had happened and there was no way I could change it, it had finally dawned on me that I couldn't keep beating myself up over it. I was just going to have to accept the fact that I had sex with my best friend and move on. It sounded simple enough.

So being the mature adult I was, I opted to invite Phil to watch our band's rehearsal once us girls were all cured of our hangovers; Eve wanted to hear the final touches to her "Wedding Playlist"—as she called it—to make sure everything was at it should have been. All the songs she picked out wouldn't have been my first choice but I wasn't going to argue with the bride-to-be on some of the horrendous selections.

Summer, Paige and Maryse had been encouraged to come as well to watch; we needed all the practice we could get when it came to performing in front of a crowd—albeit it was a small crowd—of any variety.

My nerves, however, shot into overdrive when Seth sauntered over to me, a strange look in his eyes. This wasn't going to be like our usual conversations, I could tell. Once he stood in front of me, he soon diverted those big brown eyes of his anywhere else but at me. So he had heard about Phil and me. "Why didn't you tell me that you and Phil are seeing each other?"

It was an innocent question yet held so much meaning. "Because we're still exploring it; we're not in a relationship… just testing the waters. That's the best way to explain it. I'm so sorry, Seth. That's why Phil's been on edge every time you've come around. We've been trying to keep it on the down low since he just broke up with AJ and he didn't want to make a scene with you."

I hated myself for putting him through this. More so because I knew I was depriving myself from ever being happy just so I could help a friend in need. Sometimes it sucked to be me. This was bound to drive away my hair twin – we had come up with that over our lunch date. Well, at least I had some good memories while it lasted.

"It's okay. I get it. I'm just bummed because I really felt like this had the potential to go somewhere – but just so you know, if things don't work out between you guys, I would really, really like to try this thing out. No pressure. Just putting my cards on the table."

A smirk curved his lips and he was finally looking at me. My little talks had been going stupendously well at the time; I wasn't complaining, just kind of cynical about the good luck I had stumbled upon. I couldn't help but wonder when my luck would run out. Because in the end, it would.

"Well, Seth, I like you too. And just so _you _know, I'm very open to the possibility of us. Things are just… complicated right now so I feel like I should probably get things figured out with Phil before we pursue anything, to be fair."

"Absolutely. Okay then. I will behave and let you clear your head and figure out your relationship _or_ non-relationship; whatever you're calling it. And when you figure things out, I'll be here waiting." Taking a hold of my hand, Seth brought it up to his mouth and gave it a kiss. Kind of like Prince Charming. I could definitely get on board with this.

Out of nowhere, I heard Phil clear his throat and gaze at the very intimate moment I was having with my future boyfriend – that was so weird, but at the time it seemed to be the right thing to call him. "Hope I'm not interrupting anything."

Drama. Drama. Drama.

There was about to be a scene and I refused to be caught in the middle. "Nope, Seth and I were just—" I stopped when I realized that there was no way to talk myself out of this one. Granted, Phil had no reason to even be upset over this, but since we both had to keep up with appearances a reaction was in the works.

"Getting cozy, it looked like. Kind of interesting to see my girlfriend in this position." He was trying his best not to smirk at this, staying in his role of the overbearing boyfriend. "Wow, this was obviously a mistake showing up to support you guys." He was playing the part too well – so well that I started feeling uneasy about his reaction.

"Seth, let them know that I'll be there in a couple of minutes." I waved him off, feigning a happy smile, but once he was out of proximity, my demeanor changed completely. "You can drop the act now, Punk. Seth is gone so wipe that scowl off your face."

"It's not an act. I don't like it that you two are pretty much becoming a thing. And I know you're a grown woman and you're perfectly capable of making your own decisions, but Seth… he's giving me bad vibes."

This seemed to be the only discussion we had been having as of late and it was growing tiresome. The constant bickering between us just got worse with every conversation. Phil had been crossing the line in trying to tell me who and who not to associate it, especially with his track record. I didn't like AJ but I didn't tell him day in and day out to not be with her.

"You know what? If you want to control someone, go control the woman you're trying to get back together with. I am not your property. And I'm starting to feel like that's all you see me as. I don't need your permission to hang out with Seth."

"But you're not hanging out, Kaitlyn. You're starting to get some real feelings for him and I just… I don't like it."

"So it's okay for you to pine for a girl who broke your heart but I'm not allowed to be attracted to a guy who is truly interested in me for more than my looks? How is that fair?" I hadn't realized that I was yelling until I garnered the attention of Layla and John, who were giving me those looks that said we were about to be busted if we didn't cool our jets.

"Kaitlyn, trust me when I say this, Seth isn't a good guy. He's a younger version of who I used to be. You have to believe that I know what I'm talking about." He gently grabbed me by my arm, as if trying to make me understand through the gesture. All it accomplished was making me even angrier. When I pulled out from his grasp, he flinched, completely shell-shocked by my response.

"Why should I? You don't listen to me when I tell you repeatedly that AJ doesn't deserve you and you still follow behind her like a puppy dog. You're her puppet. The minute I get a morsel of happiness, you bust in like the damn swat team and break it up."

The minute he initiated this conversation, I was already over it. Yes, I understood where he was coming from—even though he was being very immature about the way he was handling it—but trying to hinder my happiness was a huge red flag in my eyes. I never understood in that moment why he hated Seth so much when he didn't even know him.

There was nothing else to say – things were heated, and not in a good way. We both needed to walk away before we said something that we would regret in the end. The hurt was written all over his face. He knew I was choosing Seth over him in that instant, and maybe I had. I wish I hadn't stopped in my tracks to rethink everything. Then I never would have heard him say, "Stay with me, please?"

I almost did. Almost.

_**-x-**_

After the hellacious rehearsal, Eve telling us that it was absolutely vital that we played the specific songs she demanded, we all packed up our things and started walking out the door. "Kaitlyn, you're killing it on vocals, girl." Layla spoke up, looping her arm through mine as everyone else walked ahead of us. "You okay?"

"I'm fine. Phil just… pisses me off." I answered honestly because there was no point in keeping this from her. She would've just figured it out sooner or later with her own interpretation. "He thinks Seth is bad news. He doesn't even know him. It's completely unfair of him to cast judgment on someone like that."

"Maybe he's jealous. Have you thought of that?" Her question threw me off guard because I knew for a fact that it had nothing to do with jealousy. It was just Phil being territorial when I wasn't even his to begin with.

Instead of answering her inquiry though, I just shrugged it off, like it didn't bother me. And as much as I wanted to, I couldn't my friend's words off. I had no idea why this bothered me so much but it stayed in my head, even after Layla and I parted ways.

Everyone said goodbye to me and took off. Just when I was about to get into my car, my heart dropped when I heard a familiar voice. "I'm sorry. And I know that's not good enough because I keep saying all these offensive things. You were right though. It was a double standard."

I didn't turn around from door on the driver's side. Looking into those eyes would've just made me forget about everything and he needed to understand that I wasn't a pushover. I was too focused on looking around in my purse for my car keys. Desperation seeped through my veins in my feeble attempt to ignore the man who was now basically pressed up against me.

His breath lingered on my neck, sending a frisson of chills down my spine. With him, lately, it seemed like things were getting more intense when they shouldn't have been. Our friendship was getting more and more complex with each passing day and it was becoming a burden. Something had to change.

"Thank you for apologizing," I said, completely undeterred. Slowly, I turned around to face him, trying my best to keep my composure. "So what made you decide to come back and tell me that?"

"I never left. I wanted to… but I couldn't. So I just sat in my car and listened to you guys, to you. I have never felt more at peace with myself. Your voice calmed me down after I made an ass out of myself."

For once, I believed him – this time he felt bad for how things went, for how he treated me. It was written all over his face. There was still, though, a smidgen of doubt circling around in my brain, but it was only because he had done this over and over. So much that it was getting tedious. I was tired of fighting with him, of constantly having to defend my choices to him.

"Can we just start keeping our opinions of each other's possible prospects to ourselves? That's why we've been fighting so much and I don't know about you, I'm growing sick of it. And I'm sure you're over apologizing a million times."

Extending his hand out to me, I gladly accepted it. When we shook hands, it felt so final. Maybe now we could go forward with everything we had planned without it hindering our friendship to the best of our ability. It would, however, be easier said than done. I should've bowed out at the moment, but I wasn't one to break a promise.

Had I known what was going to transpire along the way, I would have just ended it when I had the chance – and I had several. But there was that part of me that just wanted to stick it out, to see if things would change. My panic of us growing to hate each other became my second fear once things took a turn for the worst and I lost him.

Pressed against my car, Phil puts both of his hands on either side of my head and just stares at me. "Why do you keep forgiving me? You would probably be better off without me."

"Don't say that. Phil, you are my best friend and I wouldn't have it any other way. Granted, I hate your guts sometimes, but what friendship isn't rough? If you ever say something like that again, I will hurt you. And I don't know if you know this, but I tend to kick ass."

The laugh that he emitted was like music to my ears. It was becoming one of my favorite sounds. This was the Phil Brooks that I adored, the Phil Brooks that I wanted to talk to. When he was cranky, he was a real downer to talk to. His mood swings were so frequent, I thought at times that he needed to be medicated for them. That's how much they scared me.

"You know I could take you. I wouldn't even break a sweat. Don't think that just because you're a girl I'm going to go easy on you. But from what I've gathered about you, you like it rough. Which is good because I do too."

I blushed when the images of our little encounter came plummeting back into my head – he hadn't been wrong. There was nothing gentle about what we had done. As a matter of fact, there were a couple of bruises – thankfully not in visible spots – from the way he handled me.

The gleam in his eye told me that he was thinking about it too, thinking about all the walls he pressed me up against. God, I needed to stop remembering it. That was a challenge for me, especially since he had me pinned against my car, like he was testing my willpower or something.

"Don't be coy about it, Kaitlyn. We had fun. There's nothing to be ashamed about. To be honest, I would do it again. Not to be a perv, but I am a guy. And you're hot. So… I blame my testosterone. You've been warned."

I wasn't sure if he had been serious or if he was just messing with my head some more. Either way, restraining myself was about to get harder because what he was about to offer next kind of took me by surprise. "So since we've already done it, maybe we should… add some benefits to our plan until it's over with. That way we release our aggression without going off verbally on one another. It might lessen our fighting."

"Um, are you serious? Phil, why would you want to compromise our friendship any more than it has been already? No, just no. I would feel dirty, to be honest. It's one thing if it's in a relationship or even a one-night stand, but to do it continuously without any form of emotion just seems wrong."

"You think too much. I'm just saying, if it happens again, we shouldn't freak out over it. Think about it." He said so calmly before removing his hands from around me and letting me get into my car to escape.

I waved goodbye to him before speeding off, but once he got smaller in my rearview mirror and soon out of sight, I pulled off to the side of the road to calm my racing heart. _What the hell just happened? _That had been the only question replaying itself in my head. For once, I had no answer and that scared the hell out of me.

Things were only about to get interesting. I just didn't know it yet.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Sorry for being M.I.A. for the last couple of weeks. Life got crazy and there's been a lot going on. But I refuse to give up on this story. It's a bit hard since I don't watch wrestling much anymore, but I will finish this story. I have the next five chapters already done so that's definitely a plus. I'll make more of an effort to update more frequently.


	8. Chapter 8

**Shatter Me**

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><p>The next morning when I went to get coffee at the café around the corner, I noticed a beady-eyed monster staring at up me from her magazine as I waited in line to get my much-needed caffeine. This was the first time I had seen AJ on my side of town and I had to admit it was kind of creepy. It couldn't have been just a coincidence.<p>

Trying my hardest to not focus on the woman staring a hole through me, I reached the counter in time to give my order to the cashier and waited only a few minutes for my drink before trying to make my escape. But right as I was about to reach the door, I heard my name being called. "Kaitlyn! Over here!"

I knew I was going to regret this choice, but I turned around to see AJ motioning for me to join her at her table. It was starting to appear that she had been waiting me out. I wasn't sure how long she had been there or how exactly she knew that I enjoyed coffees on Thursday mornings. Needless to say, though, I wasn't going to be able to get out of this mess.

I was going to have to conquer my fear of talking to Phil's ex – or Satan, as I like to call her. Lord knew this conversation wasn't going to be of the friendly nature. As a matter of fact, I had a feeling she was going to show her true colors in that instant. Why else would she want to talk to me?

"Good morning, AJ. You're on the wrong side of town." I said casually as I pulled out the chair across from her to sit. I figured I should be comfortable if we were going to have it out. "I have a feeling you planned out this meeting. Correct me if I'm wrong."

"You're not. I've been watching you, Kaitlyn Bonin, and I'm on to you."

"So not only are you Satan, but you're also crazy. You are aware that stalking is illegal, right?" I took a sip from my drink, never taking my eyes off the woman sitting across from me. She was just giving that evil smirk of hers, trying to break me. But she wouldn't. I was a lot tougher than her and I could definitely hold my own.

"I underestimated you. But let me tell you something, sweetie. Phil and you, it's temporary. He has a preference with women for a reason. He dates beautiful, model-like girls. And to be fair, you're average at best. You're just a rebound. He'll find better. Or… he'll beg me to take him back. Either way, your little relationship you have going on with him is about to be over. So enjoy it while it lasts."

"Average, huh? That's not what he said after we had sex the other morning. But if this is your way of lashing out because you destroyed the only relationship you ever had where a man actually loved you, so be it. Your words have no impact on me whatsoever."

"Really? Well what about if I told you that Phil texted me last night and said how much he missed me? What would say about that, Kaitlyn?" After hearing those words, my heart dropped and I finally took my gaze off of the psycho sitting across from me. "What? Don't believe me. Here." She pulled out her phone and immediately went to her text messages and showed me everything Phil had said to her.

They were proof so I couldn't say that she was lying even though those words were still at the tip of my tongue. Even after what he suggested from the previous night, he went back to his ex. I can't say that it didn't hurt to be second best. That's exactly the way he was treating me.

What I really wanted to do was slap that wicked grin off her face – but we were in a public spot and I didn't feel like getting arrested for assault. That would look fantastic on my already colorful record. Besides, I knew I was better than that. I wasn't the person to solve my issues with violence, though it helped at times.

I had no idea why she still stayed in her seat when she had clearly gotten the reaction she wanted out of me. Hating to admit that she got the best of me wasn't exactly the easiest thing in the world. And maybe that's particularly why she went back to reading her magazine as I sat there and processed everything.

Granted, Phil and I were only pretending and it shouldn't have bothered me so much, but why he felt the need to text her that he missed her, especially after telling me that him and I should up the ante and add benefits on to our agreement, went so far beyond me.

What grated me even more was the fact that Phil was working AJ behind my back – did he think I wouldn't mind? Did he think I wouldn't find out about it? To the best of my ability, I continued to sit there, completely silent, just watching as AJ hummed to herself as she read whatever article she was so engrossed in.

But something told me she wasn't actually reading. She was anticipating a response from me. "Why are you like this, AJ? You look like the sweetest person ever but you're just pure evil. I don't know what I ever did to you to make you dislike me. It just happened."

"Looks can be deceiving. Like your giant man arms, but guys still find you attractive. Whatever. That's their preference though. As for me not liking you, it goes back to the way you eyed Phil when him and I were dating. You wanted him a long time ago. I don't like people who take my things. And I definitely don't share."

I rolled my eyes at the insult, remembering to take a deep breath to keep me calm. This was the reason why she hated me so much? Because I allegedly had the look of lust in my eyes for her boyfriend? That was rich. No, better yet, that was the funniest thing I had ever heard.

"I guess that's one thing we have in common. I don't share either. And if you think you're just going to take Phil from me, let me tell you something, you're going to lose. You gave him up. Deal with it." And with that, I stood from my seat and made to leave.

"So I guess you're confident, huh? That doesn't mean anything, though. He'll be bored of you and come running back to me. He always does. You're just a part of his transition phase. You'll be a memory that he'll eventually forget about. And that, my dear, is reality."

Her eyes went from sweet and innocent to completely cold and empty; she didn't have a morsel of humanity in her bones, yet Punk still wanted to be with her. As I walked out of the café, I felt something coming down my face, only realizing that her words had gotten the better of me. The fact that I was crying only gave her the full effect when she looked out at the window at me and waved in that bitchy manner of hers.

The only thing on my mind, however, was the fact that I wasn't good enough for Phil; yes, we were pretending, but I was hoping that he would see how much better off he was without that hyperactive psychopath of an ex girlfriend. And I thought maybe I could be the one to help him see that. But apparently I had been wrong. I had been wrong about everything so far.

_**-x-**_

"That bitch!" Layla said, helping me move around some of my furniture in my living room. When I got agitated, rearranging things was my coping mechanism. It helped relieve so much tension and anxiety.

"Don't even get me started on Phil – like what the hell is he thinking? I feel like he's cheating on me, as weird as it sounds." My British friend gave me a skeptical look, implying that he can't be cheating since we're not together. "I know. He's not. But it feels that way. And why wouldn't he tell me about any AJ sabotaging? We're in this together."

"You two… are something. You're sleeping together or at least Phil wants that. Then he goes and tells his ex that he misses her and that he's thinking of her. That makes no sense. And they were definitely from him? She didn't just program another name in to make it look like they were from him."

I had thought about that on my walk back to my apartment complex, but they were absolutely from him. There were personal things in there that I only knew. Besides, I knew the way he texted. He was a big grammar nazi and the messages were pretty grammatically correct. There was certain ways he wrote things too that I was able to point out.

"Believe me, it was him. God, you know he is such a hypocrite. He doesn't want me with Seth but AJ is the bad guy and he's pining over her." I had felt bad for not answering my hair twin's text messages earlier, but I got caught up with Layla to pay attention to my phone. Besides, I couldn't face him when I had lied to his face.

"Has it occurred to you that maybe none of this has nothing to do with AJ and Seth? Maybe this is the universe's way of pointing out that you and Phil are supposed to be together." Layla loved pointing things out matter-of-factly, but this idea that Phil and I were meant to be together was just absurd.

I had never been someone who believed in fate – I always just assumed that we met someone and fell in love with them on our own, not because that's who the universe wanted us with so we were forced together. Besides, that was some hopeless romantic stuff and I was the complete opposite of that.

When I heard the knock on the door, I gave Layla an inquisitive stare. "It's just John. He's brought beer and paint. We could use all the help possible to fix these ugly ass walls."

"Paint? Layla, we're not redoing my whole apartment, just changing furniture around. And what's wrong with my walls? They're—"

"Ugly, Kaitlyn. We need to brighten this place up. Splash some color around. You'll thank me when we're done. It's going to look great. And I'm not just saying that because I'm your best friend. I'm saying it because this _is _my job and I happen to know what I'm talking about."

Sometimes Layla took it too far when she wanted to re-decorate my place, but this definitely took the cake. Maybe some change wouldn't hurt though. After all, my British friend was a professional and knew what the hell she was talking about. As I looked around at the beige walls, I realized that they were hideous. If this was going to be my permanent residence for a while, I needed to make it homier.

When I went to open the door to greet John, my heart stopped for a moment in time when Phil stood where Layla's boyfriend should've been. He was holding the gallons of paint and grocery bag – which I assumed had the alcohol in it. Offering me that crooked smile of his—which was my favorite look on him—Phil kissed me on the cheek as he passed me to come inside.

"You're not John." I really needed to work on my social skills so that I didn't sound completely idiotic. But they were the first words to come out of my mouth that didn't sound rude. I could've asked what he was doing here, but I opted not to.

"Nice to see you too, Kaitlyn. So let's liven this bitch up." He turned to look at my brunette friend when she too looked just as confused as I had been. "John's on the phone with his mother. He'll be up soon. He mentioned this little project to me and invited me, since _someone_ didn't." Then he turned his eyes to me questionably.

I didn't ask him for a reason – a small, beady-eyed, brunette reason. Now every time I went to look at him, all I would see is the text AJ had shown me that morning. It seemed as if whenever Phil and I were finally getting on track, things immediately started tearing us apart. To be honest, this friendship was beginning to get stressful. Maybe it had run its course?

The deafening silence got interrupted when John decided to grace us with his presence and made a beeline towards his girlfriend and grabbed her by the waist to greet her with a romantic kiss. They could be absolutely disgusting when they wanted to be.

That left Phil and I, standing there in uncomfortable stillness, not sure what to say; I knew why I wasn't speaking. Why he wasn't, I had no idea. To my knowledge, I hadn't pissed him off so there was no reason as to why he should've been the way he was with me.

"You two just need to screw already – it is so obvious that the tension is there." John pipes up, a devious smile on his face. But, nevertheless, I was relieved that Layla had kept her mouth shut about Phil and me having already been there done that.

"Believe me, there is no tension here." I snarled. The fact that Phil kept yearning to be with his ex, it had officially turned me off from whatever attraction may have been there. "We're just two friends, with me trying to help Phil get back with AJ since he misses her so much."

Officially letting the cat out of the bag, I gave Phil the cruelest set of eyes I possibly could to let him know that he was busted. "I ran into AJ today – despite the fact that she's legitimately Satan's replacement, she showed me some really interesting text messages from you. I have to admit, for the first time in our entire friendship, I'm disappointed. Excuse me."

With that, I headed into my bedroom, just wanting to be left alone to myself so that I could possibly think things through. The whole point of getting back at AJ for being dumped was not to actually get back together with her. Us pretending was to piss her off and make her hurt just like she did him. It seemed like my good friend had another agenda.

As I sat on my bed, just staring at my ugly beige walls, I began to wonder what the point of all this was. Clearly, Punk had AJ right where he wanted her, there was no point in us carrying on with the charade. My reverie, however, was interrupted when the guy I had just been thinking of walked in, careful to stay far away so that if I started on my bitch mode, he could easily exit.

"I'm sorry that I upset you – after I went home yesterday, I had a moment of weakness and I texted the one person who I know I shouldn't have. Especially since you and I are in this thing together. And I don't want you to feel like what we're doing is worthless. I definitely don't want you to feel like I'm not grateful for your help… but AJ's like a drug to me."

"You don't do drugs, remember? You need to kick this habit, Phil. You're setting yourself up for disaster and I refuse to be a casualty in that as you're being sucked down that giant abyss. I won't help you get her back, if that's what you're after. I can't."

After I said my peace, with an off-putting feeling in the pit of my stomach, I lay back on my bed, tucking my hands behind my head. I felt my bed move when Phil copied me, positioning himself exactly as I was, a few seconds later.

"She fucked me up. I don't want to feel like that anymore; she wins if I give in. I want to hurt her, make her hurt like how I am."

"Texting her that you miss her isn't going to make you victorious, I hope you are aware of that. It makes you look weak and it makes you her puppet. AJ doesn't give a shit if you miss her. All she cares about is that you don't move on. She made that perfectly clear this morning."

Turning my head to look at him, I could tell that he wanted to know what exactly got said. His curious eyes gave him away. "That psycho said your preference in women is the complete opposite of me, that I'm average at best."

Laughing it off, Phil propped himself up on his side to get a good view of me. "You are _not_ average. Out of all the women I've been with, you're by far my favorite." Then he winked at me, successfully gaining a smile from me.

"I'm a little grossed out that you so freely share your sexual conquests, but I'm also flattered. She made me cry, which is weird because I usually don't when someone insults me. But she just did it so viciously just to hurt me, like it didn't bother her to say those awful things."

Taking a page out of Punk's book, I too mimic his position, just to have this conversation face to face. He surprised the hell out of me when he took hold of my free hand. "Jealousy is an ugly thing. That's the only reason why AJ said those things. She's feeling threatened."

"Or maybe she just regrets breaking up with you." I simply whispered because I wasn't sure how else to respond to his sweet words. But once I said it out loud, I wondered if maybe AJ really did want him back. That thought suddenly made me sick to my stomach. And it got worse when I pictured Phil taking her back.


	9. Chapter 9

**Shatter Me**

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><p>Phil and I had gone out to a club the next night, awaiting AJ's arrival so that we could do what we did best and piss her off. I had already had my second shot of whiskey and completely buzzed while Punk just rolled his eyes as I indulged myself – he never liked me drinking around him, but that night I was feeling a bit brave.<p>

"Slow down on the alcohol. You need to be somewhat coherent." He said in an agitated voice, letting me know that he wasn't amused by my buzzed state of mind.

"Look, I'm here. But I can only deal with AJ if I'm not sober. After my run-in with her yesterday, I don't exactly feel like being friendly with her. What better way to avoid that then getting completely smashed? So stop casting judgment on me."

Yeah, I was turning into a belligerent drunk – but it made facing my problems a whole lot easier. How else was I able to confront PJ after he broke my heart? Drunken thoughts are sober words, I believe that's the expression.

As much as I adored Phil, he could sometimes be a bore – I had all the respect in the world for his choices, but there was no need to look down upon those who didn't make the same ones as he did. Besides Layla, Phil was the most judgmental person I knew.

"Just don't puke on me. That's all I ask."

"I can hold my liquor. You have nothing to worry about."

This whole confrontation thing had put him on edge, resulting in him lashing out at any and everyone. I just happened to be the person on the receiving end of his PMS cycle and it wasn't fun. Now I knew why he always avoided me when I was crabby.

The fact that he was still bent on making AJ pay for breaking his heart by going to such extreme measures like the one he had planned out for this night kind of worried me. If he was this determined, I could have only imagined what he would've been like had he been of normal stature. But that had been something foreign to me as of late. He hadn't been himself in the few weeks of being single.

Apparently being free from Satan didn't appeal to him, but who was I to judge? He wanted her back, then he hated her. Then he wanted her back again. It was a cycle that needed to end as soon as possible. I was hoping deep down that AJ would show no emotion for that night's scheme just to show that she didn't want him back in any capacity.

He tensed up immensely when she walked in with a couple of her friends, one of them was a handsome guy that she seemed to be fawning over. Her arm was looped through his and she rested her head against his muscular arm since she couldn't reach his shoulder. They looked pretty cozy.

Her eyes, however, went to empty when she took in my presence, along with Phil's – it was show time. I wasn't exactly eager to throw myself at my so-called boyfriend, but this was his idea and I didn't want to let him down.

There was a bit of tension between the mysterious guy and her when she went to pull over in our direction – either it was a case of unrequited love with the two of them—the fact that he had been staring at one of her friend's ass since the second they stepped foot in _Mist _was a dead give away—or that he was just a douche bag and didn't want to abide by her. It really could have been either options, but I was guessing it had been a mixture of both.

He had dirty blonde, shaggy hair, a look most girls would've swooned over, and he wore a cocky smile so effortlessly on his face. Immediately, his demeanor changed once he drank me in and raised an eyebrow. Well, I could tell this was going to be interesting.

A few seconds later and we stood face-to-face with the psychopathic devil and her accomplice – I really didn't care if he was a good guy. He hung around AJ, therefore my first impression of him wasn't going to be a good one. The brunette gave me a stern glare before turning her attention to her the guy on my right. "Are you stalking me now, Phil? Last time I checked, you weren't exactly one with clubs. You said they enabled people to do stupid shit."

That was my cue to jump in. "He came because I asked him to – my band's playing here tonight." It hadn't been a lie. Eve had gotten us this gig as a practice show before her wedding. Since her soon-to-be husband owned _Mist, _she was able to pull some strings. It would soon be hers too.

"Oh, isn't that something? Your little rock band playing for the big guns. Very impressive, Kaitlyn. Tell me, when are you actually going to do something with your life other than chase silly little dreams?"

Yep, I definitely needed another drink to keep me from strangling her – so turning to the bar, I asked the bartender for another shot of whiskey. To my surprise though, AJ's friend had occupied the seat next to me and ordered the same thing as I had. "Keep the rounds coming," he said laying down a hundred dollar bill on the countertop.

"I don't know if I should be offended that you think I can't afford my liquor or flattered that you're being a gentleman." Giving him a half smile, I swig my shot down in record time and slam the shot glass down on the bar top, getting the attention of Phil, who grew concerned when he noticed me with the mysterious guy.

"Just thought I'd take part in getting a couple of drinks with a beautiful woman. Is that a crime?" It was hard to tell if he being serious or if he was just trying to get a laugh out of me. Either way, my drunken state was making it hard to comprehend anything. I was feeling good and I wanted to stay that way.

"So what's your name, stranger? Or am I gonna have to just make up something for you?"

"It's Dean, Dean Ambrose. And your name?" He extended his hand to me and I grew cautious. Between Seth and Phil, I had enough testosterone in my life to get me pregnant some time down the road if needed. I was most certainly not interested in roping in another guy to string along. AJ could have him.

"I'm Kaitlyn." I answered, even though I wondered why he needed to know. I guess since we had became drinking buddies he felt obligated in learning my name.

"Beautiful name for a beautiful girl. Would you like to dance, Kaitlyn? You seem very antsy on getting on that dance floor. If it's okay with your boyfriend, of course."

He turned to look at Phil for approval but I couldn't really tell what facial expressions were being made because I was too wrapped up in my own little thoughts. If he let me dance with a complete stranger then that meant that he definitely didn't care about me in the capacity that Layla had insinuated. It also implied that everything going on between us was just a transitioning phase like AJ had brought up.

Everything from this answer would determine the nature of our friendship – where it was heading, where it wasn't. It's not that I was in love with him or anything, but Layla's words about the universe wanting us together had been stuck in my head and it was hard to ignore.

"Well while you boys decide who's my pimp tonight, I have a show to do. See you in twenty," I saluted and then met up with all the other band members, my British friend pinning me down with stern glare. She had obviously seen me chatting with Dean and wanted details. Seth, too, had been eyeing me up and down. Apparently he hadn't taken so kindly to my male interaction.

But I couldn't concentrate on all the drama going on in my life – Lost Caution had a show to put on and no matter how distracted I was, I had to put all my focus in on this gig. I didn't want to let Eve down since she was the one who got this for us; so prepping like I always do before a big performance, I took a deep breath, popped my neck and started singing once the music hit.

And for a brief moment, I had forgotten about all my problems.

_**-x-**_

After having to do yet another show for the screaming crowd, I was in desperate need of a drink once I met up with Phil, AJ and Dean, who was still sitting at the seat he had been at forty-five minutes prior to the show. A bit of déjà vu hit me once I took my seat next to him and chugged down the shot he had ready for me.

Seth had taken off directly after, something to do with having a big meeting in the morning or something – I was too buzzed to remember exactly why. The point was I had really wanted to talk to him about the Dean thing. I would have to do that when I was coherent enough to form a whole sentence. And Phil, well he was too busy fighting off AJ's advances to remotely notice me hanging with the mysterious friend of his ex.

So I graciously accept all the drinks my new buddy was paying for, actually having a good time – it was nice too. I could act like an ass with this new guy and he couldn't judge me since he was my enabler. But once all the drinks hit my bladder, I had to excuse myself to fix that issue.

I was pleasantly surprised that there wasn't a waiting line and that I could go directly in without having to worry about pissing my pants. After flushing the toilet, I went to the sink washed my hands, and then splashed some water on my face. I would definitely have a hangover in the morning. That wasn't going to be fun to go to work with.

The moment I exited the door, I was being pulled down the hallway by a devious looking Dean, who had diabolical eyes. He had something planned and in that instant I realized that this was going to end very badly since I was too inebriated to remotely fight him off. When he pushed me up against the wall, putting both his hands on either side of my head, a singe of pain shot up my spine, making me cry out a bit.

"You are so hot, Kaitlyn," he whispered into my ear. Instead of it being a turn on, I grew scared. This was the first time anything like this had ever happened to me and I had no idea how to handle a situation like this. Was I supposed to fight him off? Was I supposed to talk him down? What was I supposed to do?

When people passed by, they simply ignored us, thinking we were just a couple getting hot and heavy – clearly it was a normal thing nowadays to do in places like that. I tried with all my might to push him off, but he was much stronger than I was and he pinned my hands above my head with one hand of his own, which was impressive, but only terrified me even more.

I heard him reach for his zipper and that's when I knew exactly what he had in mind – for some inexplicable reason, I was completely frozen and couldn't move at all; all those self-defense classes should've paid off but instead I stood there, about to let whatever he was planning on doing to me happen.

In the process, he ripped my shirt, revealing my lacy bra and a pleased grin came to him – he had liked what he saw. Tears rolled down my face when he starting kissing my neck, trailing them all the way down to my stomach. "No!" I finally grew a pair and shouted. "Stop it, Dean."

My words were lost on him because he continued ravaging me in his own vile way. When he got back on his feet, I was able to free one of my hands and slapped him so hard in the face, I could have sworn I saw his eyes roll into the back of his head. In a panic, I tried freeing my other hand from his grip but he still held onto it and once again pushed back up against the wall.

Only this time, his face went from devious to vicious and he slapped me across the face, paying me back. "How does that feel?" And once again he went back to trying to have his way with me. When I went to kick him, he saw it coming and was able to block it. "Stop fighting me."

"Get off of her!" I heard a growl from behind Dean and relief swept through me. When Phil pulled the shaggy-haired guy off of me, he punched him a couple of times, making the man retreat. I fell to the floor, coiling up in the fetal position.

Layla hadn't been too far away and had decided to come find out what all the fuss was and when she saw me, she got on the floor beside me and held me as I cried into her arms. "What happened?"

"Dean tried… He tried—Dammit. Kaitlyn, I am so sorry. Did he?" I knew what he was asking but I was too shaken up to remotely give him a verbal answer so instead I shook my head. He sighed in relief but still had a look of concern on his face.

"Kait, we're going to take you home and get you cleaned up, okay? Phil and I aren't going anywhere." She kissed the top of my head and possessively held onto as she helped me to my feet. "Phil, stay with her for a second. I'm gonna grab our stuff, tell John where I'm going and then I'll meet up with you outside."

When Phil pulled me into a hug, he gently caressed my back and I hissed in pain. "Sorry. Let me see your back." I slowly turned my back to him, trying not to cry out in pain as I raised what was left of my tattered shirt. He softly trailed his fingers over the sore spots, trying his hardest not to hurt me. "There's going to be a nasty bruise, but that's about it." He surprised me when he took off his sweatshirt and wrapped it around me. "That's to cover you up."

Walking me back out into the crowd, everyone had gathered in a circle, like they were watching a fight; evidently that had been the case. John had been beating the hell out of Dean, which meant that Layla had informed him of what happened. Granted it was nice watching this, I still didn't want any harm to come to him. I wasn't that kind of person.

Layla took hold of me so that Phil could grab John and get him out of there before the cops busted in and arrested him for assault. Getting a final look at Dean, I turned from him and walked out the door with Layla, hearing footsteps behind us. "You must have a magnet that attract guys to you. Maybe it's the way you act, Kaitlyn." The haughty voice gave her away. "If you don't want someone creeping on you perhaps you shouldn't put it all out there."

Before I could even do anything, my British friend was already on it and slapped AJ. "How dare you. Your friend just tried to rape her and you're actually going to fault her on this? You're a bitch, AJ. Go to hell."

Seconds later, Phil and John joined us, completely bypassing a wounded AJ, which I had found completely hilarious. My knight in shining armor wrapped a protective arm around me and wound up driving me home that night. John drove Phil's car back to his place and Layla followed suit.

After everything was settled, John and Layla had come by to stay over that night, just in case I needed someone. What I really needed was to take a nice hot shower to get the stench of booze and Dean off of me – the memory of him pressing me against the wall caused me to sit on the shower floor with my arms cradled around my knees as I let the water splash all over me.

With the sound blocking out everything, I finally let it out and bawled as hard as I could. I had been too loud though because Phil came charging in to make sure I was okay. "Hey, are you okay? I wasn't listening at the door, I promise. I was walking by and I heard you."

"Yeah, just traumatized. He just attacked me as I walked out of the restroom. The sad thing is that it didn't register in my mind until he unzipped his pants and ripped my shirt – even then, I stood frozen. If you hadn't of come, Phil he was going to—" I couldn't finish the sentence – I was too choked up to get it out. Finally I let it out in front of the one person I didn't want to see me like this.

A beat later, naked or not, Phil got in the shower with me and let the shower soak him through his clothes as he held me and let me cry on his shoulder. "I'm here. I'm here." He kissed my forehead and kept his eyes on my face, not my naked body, as he spoke the words.

"Thank you."

"You don't need to thank me. I'm just sorry that I let you go off with him. I should've stopped it the minute he started buying you drinks. Promise me that the next time a guy randomly gives you attention that you won't look into it."

I didn't say anything, I just gave him a simple nod of my head and left it at that. My night had sucked all the energy out of me, leaving me in a weak and fragile state. Making sure I was decent and that he couldn't see anything on me, Phil draped a towel over me and escorted me to my bedroom. Usually Layla would have been questioning this intimate gesture but I could tell she didn't have the heart to.

She gave the Chicago native an appreciative smile and carried on in her conversation with her boyfriend. In most cases I would be annoyed by how overbearing they could be, but that night I was grateful for all them. I was especially grateful to the guy who slept in the chair by my bed, holding my hand the entire night like it was life or death.

That night had been the game changer. Even when he wasn't aware of it, I would wake up and watch him as he slept. A strange feeling came over me upon doing so. But I brushed it off and dozed off into dreamland, trying to expel all the memories of Dean out of my mind. They wouldn't go that easy though; I had nightmares that night.

And every time I woke up screaming, Phil had been right there beside me, reassuring me that I was okay, that no one was going to hurt me, that I was safe with him. That was all it took to put me back under and instead of going back to sleep in the uncomfortable chair, Punk crawled into bed with me and cradled me in his arms. It had been the best feeling in the world.


	10. Chapter 10

**Shatter Me**

* * *

><p>Layla's voice had woken me from my slumber the next morning and much to my alarm, I had overslept – I was going to get an ass-chewing at work for being late. When I went to get dressed, I saw that I had at least five text messages, one from my boss, telling me to take as much time off as I needed. That had only meant one thing – someone had talked to my boss, letting him know what went down.<p>

I'm not sure how I felt about that considering I was never the type of person to put my business out there. Now the question was, who spilled the beans? So dragging my feet, I slowly but surely exited my bedroom, still in my pajamas since I didn't have to get dressed for the day, to find my British best friend sitting with my hair twin on my couch.

"Good morning," I greeted them, rubbing my eyes as I sat on the ottoman across from them. I took in the fact that Phil wasn't there like he promised he would be. "Did you talk to my boss or something? Because I got a couple of text messages from him, telling me to take as much time as I needed to recover."

"It wasn't me. It probably was Phil – he hurried out this morning while you were sleeping and said he needed to take care of things. He probably made a stop at your office to let them know you weren't coming in for a while."

He had to take care of things? What the hell was she talking about? I was praying she wasn't insinuating that he was trying to hunt down Dean. But something in my gut told me otherwise. Either way, I was expecting to get a phone call from the police department to tell me that his ass was in jail. But maybe finding Dean hadn't been his intention at all. Maybe he really had things to take care of.

Then AJ popped into my head – my gut had told me that one of the things he needed to take of was her, and I was definitely not happy about that at all. Why he felt the constant need to remotely associate himself with her drove me crazy. My ulterior motive of getting him away from her was becoming an even harder feat than I initially pegged.

"No offense, Seth, but why are you here?" I hadn't meant for it to come out as discourteous as it had, but with my other romantic prospect being in the same room, it made it quite difficult to speak to Layla about what had happened the night before.

Instead of giving a plausible explanation, Seth stood to his feet, offered a somber look in my direction and left my apartment, slamming the door on his way out. In most cases I would have felt like a complete asshole, but after the night I had had, I was far too exhausted and traumatized to feel guilty. Besides, I technically hadn't been in the wrong. There was no legitimate reason for him to be there that early in the morning.

The only people who should have been there were Layla, John and the person I really wanted to see the most, Phil. But like most guys, he had disappeared when things got too intimate for his liking. Was he that afraid of what was happening between us? We were friends and I had gone through something almost life changing and had it not been for him, I probably would have been lying up in a hospital and pressing charges. There was no need for him to run.

All I wanted was to thank him for staying with me for the night and for holding me when I had those nightmares of Dean – that was apparently asking too much.

"Someone's crabby," the British woman shot at me. I was not fazed by her comment since I had been used to it for so long. "You're just going to let Seth walk out like that? I thought you liked him."

"I do like him. But what was he doing here? Unless, of course, you ran your mouth like usual and told him about my tragic tale. Layla, I don't want his pity."

"Whoa! Slow your roll, Kaitlyn. I didn't say anything to him. Someone else must have told him. Besides, is it that bad that someone outside of Phil and myself actually cares about you? I know you've been through something awful, but don't take it out on the wrong people."

"Something awful? Are you kidding me? Dean tried to rape me, Layla! That's not awful, that's terrifying. It's life changing. And don't even try to tell me how to handle my emotions. I am dealing with them in the way that I know best. I'm sorry that I'm not crying on your shoulder or opening up about my tragic tale like you want me to, but maybe if you showed a bit of humility and pretended to care about someone other than John I would."

The tears in her eyes fell down her face, her mascara running before she wiped it away. She had never been one to cry over someone hurting her feelings, which implied that I went too far with my lashing out. This was in no way her fault.

"If you think so low of me why are we even friends?" She made to grab her things before turning to me one last time. "Call me when you've got your shit together, if you ever do. Until then, Kaitlyn, good luck."

When my apartment door shut once again, I stood there and soaked up the silence I was greeted with and it gave me the worst feeling ever. I had managed to piss off the two people who actually cared enough to be there in the morning when I woke up and I completely lashed out at them when they hadn't deserved it.

Mad at myself, I grabbed the nearest object—the remote control to my TV—and threw it at the wall, it shattering once it made contact. Had it made me feel any better? Not one bit. Now I had a broken remote that was probably unfixable and two friendships that I had royally screwed up.

When I went to call Layla, I was instantly greeted by her cheerful voicemail: _Hey guys, Layla here, sorry I couldn't get to the phone. If you leave me a message, I promise to give you a call back. Thank you. _As soon as it beeped, I hung up, not really knowing what to say.

I got the same reception when I tried calling Seth: _Sorry I couldn't answer my phone. If it's important leave me a message. If you're trying to sell me something, fuck off. Have a wonderful day._

Usually when I heard the voicemail on Seth's phone I giggled because of how amusing it was, but at that particular time I was not in a laughing mood. I just wanted to apologize and move on with my life and not let this Dean issue drag me down any further. I had let it take over.

In most cases like this I would usually go after Layla when her and I had a fight because ninety-five percent of the time it was my fault, but leaving my apartment after everything was something I wasn't remotely prepared for. I knew it was stupid since my friendships should have come before my fears. With the fear of bumping into my attacker – I knew it was far fetched – my feet were glued to the floor, like my brain was prohibiting me from leaving my safe haven.

"Screw it," I hastily decided, grabbed my purse and decided to put my fears behind me to go apologize to the two people who I cared deeply for.

_**-x-**_

After a brief panic attack and a lot of hyperventilating, I had somehow managed to find my way to Phil's place of employment. Seth and Layla both agreed that I was suffering from posttraumatic syndrome and a side effect was lashing out. They understood, but still was hesitant to have lunch with me, hence why I went to my best guy friend.

I was already out of my apartment, a big feat in a way, I wanted to make it count – plus, I really wanted to talk to him about what the night had meant to him since it had meant a great deal to me. That and he had this way of calming me down when things started to suck beyond the point of no return.

The minute I entered the building, it didn't take me long to seek him out. He had been standing at the front counter, collecting his messages I assumed, flirting with the pretty receptionist. A pang of hurt shot through me in that instant. He had left me just so he could be friendly with other girls while I really needed him? That spoke a lot about his character.

As I stood there taking in the entire scene, it dawned on me that I could either be the mature adult and approach him, pretending like it didn't bother me that he ditched me, or I could turn around and walk out without him ever realizing I had ever been there. I never got the chance to think it through once the receptionist took in my appearance and asked, "Do you have an appointment?"

On cue, Phil turned and saw me, swallowing hard. "She's a friend, Amy."

Oh, so she had a name? _Amy. _It was a pretty name and I guess it fit her perfectly. And I guess I could see why Phil was so enthralled by her. After all, she too was tattooed, much like him, and had a punk rock demeanor to her. Her shirt with _The Ramones _gave that away. Truth be told, she was probably a perfect match for him and while that should have made me extremely happy since it meant AJ was out of the picture, it only made me feel ten times worse.

Tucking some of my messy hair behind my ears – which I realized I hadn't brushed at all, mainly because I rushed out of my apartment like a mad woman – I folded my arms across my chest, hoping to hide the fact that I was extremely nervous. When he walked over to me, he pulled me aside. "What are you doing out?"

"Keeping me locked up isn't going to fix what happened last night – besides, I initially went to patch things up with Seth and Layla. I said some pretty hateful things. I wound up here because they were too busy to do lunch. I'm so sorry for barging in like this. This was a mistake."

Without looking back, I booked it to my car, shaky hands and all, when I went to unlock it, scared that Dean would come up behind me, as silly as it sounded. When I went to put the key in the ignition, I jumped when Punk opened the door on the passenger's side and slid in. "What the hell, Phil? Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"

"Well I wanted to stop you before you left. You're obviously pissed because I left this morning without telling you. I didn't do it because I wanted to. I called Seth to come keep you company in case Layla needed to go home. I was going to come back, I swear."

So he had called Seth? Well that was interesting. The last time I checked, he didn't like him. This was way too weird for me to even try to wrap my brain around.

"You called Seth? Why?"

"To be honest, I didn't feel comfortable leaving you with another woman. And no, that is not sexist. I just preferred a guy being there and I figured you would feel most comfortable with him since you guys are on the verge of dating. I still don't like him, by the way. But I wanted someone there since I knew I couldn't be."

"Why couldn't you be? Phil, you left me after you swore you would be there. What was so damn important that you couldn't keep your promise?" I was mad. There was no go justification behind his leaving but I wanted an answer.

"Since you ask, I came here to fill out some paperwork. I'm taking a leave of absence so that I can be there for you. Amy, the girl I was talking to, she's going to cover me while I'm gone. That's what that was all about. I swear, Kaitlyn."

"Oh, I feel like an asshole. I literally had a whole speech prepared about how friendship is more important than work, especially when someone goes through something so alarming. Doesn't a leave of absence seem just a bit extreme? I mean, it's sweet – as a matter of fact, it's the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me – but I can't let you do this."

"Weren't you the one who just said friendship is more important than work? Kaitlyn, you are by far the most important person in my life and I want to be there for you to help you get through this. Besides, in case you don't know, I'm actually pretty damn good at listening. Plus, this will give me some time to work on my art. It's a win-win situation."

It was hard not to be charmed by him – he had that special thing about him that could easily make you weak in the knees. But I didn't want him to treat me like I was glass, getting ready to shatter at any point. I couldn't expect him to put his life on hold because of what almost happened to me.

"Look, I am grateful, Phil, I am. But this just seems… a bit much. What about money? How are you going to get by? Did you even think about this?"

"You are aware that I make good money here and that I've saved up plenty. I'm good. It's only temporary that I'm not working. Chill out and trust me."

I could tell I was not going to win this debate in any way, shape, or form. So instead of remotely trying to come up with a legitimate reason as to why I didn't need a babysitter, I opted to remain silent – my gaze, however, turned to the familiar man walking by my car into the counseling facility and my throat instantly closed, making it extremely hard to breathe.

The instant Phil caught onto my glare, he too followed my eyes and turned pale when he took in Dean. Everything had gone so fast within seconds. Phil had lunged out of my car and ran into the building after my attacker. Me, well I just stayed in my car because I wasn't sure what else to do. But after minutes passed, a feeling hit me in my gut. Something was wrong.

Steadily I hopped out of my vehicle and quickly made my way inside. I felt the vomit coming up once I took in Dean and Phil having it out. I couldn't tell what was being said, but the tattooed man had his fists in little balls, probably getting ready to strike the Ohio native. There was no way I was going to let him lose his job over this.

Showing what bravado I had left, I went over and pulled my friend back, making sure to ignore the other man. "Phil, it is not worth it."

"Yeah, Phil, I'm not worth it." Dean mocked then diverted his attention to me. "Even dressed in rags, you're hot. You wanted it last night. That's the only reason why I came on so strong."

"I wanted it? I told you no!" My shrill voice had officially alerted everyone in the building. "Or do you not know the meaning of that word? Or maybe you're so much of a dick that you didn't care about what I wanted. Your ego got in the way of your judgment apparently."

"You're feisty, Kaitlyn. It's no wonder why he keeps you locked up. He's afraid that you'll find someone better than him. Maybe you know that too. Keep telling yourself that I tried to force myself on you. Deep down, you wanted it." Inching himself closer to me, he got real close to my ear and whispered, "Call me if you ever want a real man."

When he started walking away from me, I felt relieved but I also felt defeated. Dean had successfully managed to get under my skin yet again. "Real man, Dean? Last time I checked, a real man didn't try to rape a young woman after coming out of the bathroom." I made sure to say that loud enough to where security could hear from the other side of the lobby.

"You want to say that shit louder? I don't think God heard you." He got right back up in my face, but I refused to stand down. The whole time, Phil stood by, making sure I could do this. I appreciated the fact that he didn't try to fight this battle for me.

"Louder, you ask? Okay. This man right here," I started speaking to the entire room, "tried to sexually assault me last night and he's actually proud of it." He covered my mouth with his hand, trying to get me to shut up. As soon as he made that gesture, it became the biggest mistake of his life; Phil had tackled him down to the ground.

Before he could deck him, security had gathered around the two men and quickly got in between them. When Phil wound up punching one of them in the face because he was just that angry, the security guards cuffed him while Dean was let go. When he laughed in amusement, I stopped the security guards. "You're going to take him too, right? I don't feel safe with him on the loose."

"That's not in our jurisdiction. You'll have to go down to the police department to press charges. Your friend, however, punched my buddy in the face so he's going downtown." And just like that Phil was escorted outside, trying to resist them as much as possible.

Covering my face with my hands, I turned to the receptionist. "Men, huh?"

I had completely forgotten that Dean was still nearby so when he once again came up to me, I flinched. "Don't you think about pressing charges, Kaitlyn. It would be in everyone's best interest if you didn't."

Just like that, he headed down the hallway, presumably to his appointment, leaving me with more fear than I had had from the night before. His threats were evidently clear. I couldn't press charges now, even if I wanted to. This day had turned into an even bigger mess than originally assumed and everything that had been messed up had been my fault.

_Good job, _I said to myself, returning to my car, crying once I was safely inside. Everything was my fault. Everything.


End file.
